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Surviving the Side Hustle
Welcome to "Surviving the Side Hustle," the ultimate podcast for balancing the demands of entrepreneurship with maintaining mental, physical, and emotional well-being.
Hosted by Coach Rob Tracz, an expert in helping driven professionals achieve 'personal development for professional success,' this show is more than just storytelling—it's a masterclass in thriving amidst the entrepreneurial grind. Each episode features candid conversations with leaders who are rewriting the rules of entrepreneurship, sharing their unique stories, the creative solutions they're offering, and the everyday challenges they’re overcoming.
Whether you’re a side hustler looking for your big break or an established entrepreneur seeking fresh perspectives, "Surviving the Side Hustle" provides valuable insights that resonate with the movers, the shakers, and everyone in between.
Feeling burnt out and sidelining your own health? This podcast empowers you to overcome stagnation, build resilience, and optimize your life and business. We dive deep into your goals, identify obstacles, and share strategies to boost your energy, improve your strength, and keep the entrepreneurial grind enjoyable.
Join us for inspiring stories, expert insights, and practical advice to help you look good, feel good, and do great things at every stage of your entrepreneurial journey. Let’s not just survive the side hustle—let's master it.
Surviving the Side Hustle
E115 - From Ghosting to Understanding: Andre Paradis' Secrets to Decoding Relationship Dynamics
Have you ever felt like you're speaking a completely different language from your partner, despite using the same words? There's a reason for that. According to relationship expert Andre, only 7% of our communication comes through words, while the rest is filtered through drastically different masculine and feminine perception systems.
In this eye-opening conversation, Andre shares his unconventional journey from professional dancer working with Michael Jackson to auto shop owner and finally to his calling as a relationship coach. His wake-up moment came during a workshop called "Understanding Women," where he realized that despite having a seemingly successful marriage, he understood almost nothing about how women process information and emotions. This revelation led him to dedicate his life to decoding the complex dynamics between men and women.
Andre breaks down what he calls "the dance of relationship" – how masculine and feminine energies naturally complement each other when properly understood. He explains why modern cultural shifts have complicated relationships, with women being encouraged to embrace masculine traits while men are often shamed for their natural masculine qualities. The result? A dating landscape where strong, independent women wonder where all the "good men" have gone, while not realizing their own energy might be making them invisible to the very men they desire.
Perhaps most fascinating is Andre's framework of the four types of men (boys, guys, men, and gentlemen) and how women can learn to distinguish between them. For entrepreneurial women, he offers valuable insights about balancing professional success with relationship goals, suggesting that the key isn't abandoning ambition but learning to "leave your balls at work" and recultivate feminine energy in your personal life.
Whether you're single and frustrated with dating, in a relationship but experiencing communication breakdowns, or simply curious about the science behind human connection, this conversation offers profound insights about recalibrating your energy to create more fulfilling relationships. Visit ProjectEquinox.net to learn more about Andre's work and access his free resources for improving your relationship dynamics.
What's going on, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Surviving the Side Hustle. I'm super excited because today on the show we've got my buddy, andre. We recently connected down in Texas through our buddy, brandon Goddard, at an event and we connected really well. We played a bunch of Jenga, we went out and about Great. He delivered an amazing keynote. It was just an overall great time and I was talking to him. I'm like, dude, I got to have you on the podcast Love to dive into your story a little bit more and hear a bit more about what you're doing as an individual. So welcome, andre. Thank you for coming on today, man, I'm excited to dive in and speak with you speak with you.
Speaker 2:Oh, rob, thank you for inviting me. It's always, you know, pleasure to see you and uh, yeah, you're kind of my brother from another mother now. So, uh, and as a as a podcaster, right, you as I are, I call us disruptors, right, making people think maybe differently or rethink a little bit of like, you know disruptors, and then inspiring, of course, on the other side as well. So thank you for having me yeah, yeah, I'm excited.
Speaker 1:Um, and I love that too. Yeah, I, I tend to play devil's advocate, probably more so than I should. And uh, even even if I don't necessarily agree with the statement, I usually like to play it from the other perspective. And uh, victoria doesn't seem to like that sometimes, so Disruptor.
Speaker 2:That's the mentality, that's how we word. I love it.
Speaker 1:It's okay. Good, well, let's dive in. So would you mind introducing yourself a little bit about what you do? So, for those who don't know, andre's a relationship expert, coach, guru. What is your correct terminology for what it is that you do?
Speaker 2:Well, I start primarily with relationship slash life coaching, because everything in life is about relationships. But some people approach me from the love dynamic men, women which I think is one of my favorite parts because it's the same plus more emotions involved, so more delicate, more frustration, more ah right. So the love dynamic is a whole different level within the world of relationships and communication. So I'm also a nlp practitioner. That's how I help my clients with their trauma release. It's essential. I always say I can't get anybody in healthy relationship to look it up your baggage from your past as a child, as a young adult, and all the, all the relationships that were damaging more than helping right. So that's part of the work. I'm also an educator of effective communication strategies. Woof does the mouthful, but the part of it.
Speaker 2:One of the biggest issues with all relationships is we don't communicate very well. You know, anthropologically we learned to speak 44,000 years ago and before that it was all cavemen, cavewomen, grunting face expression. So 7% of our communications are words. That's why we suck the most at it. That's what really affects us the least. And on top of that, men and women communicate completely differently and that sounds ridiculous because you know we look at each other in the eye. You hear the words that come out of my mouth. We speak English. What I'm saying is not what she's hearing and what she's saying is not what I'm hearing. You and I aren't hearing. So that's a beautiful part.
Speaker 2:There's five major things in my work that help decode in order to get in flow with relationships and stop the frustration, the collision, you know, because we don't understand these things at all. Right, we're not the same. We're not the same. We're not the same without the same. Right Out there in the culture, they talk about equality and 50-50, right, it works for business and money fantastically. In relationships it doesn't work. It makes it more complicated and I'm sure you experienced that. And I'm really busy because the world comes at me with. It's not working. I don't know why. We you know we have all the choices. The channels are open, nobody's restricted anymore. You know we've. We like soften the men and empower women. It should work, but it doesn't. It's the worst thing that's ever happened in, like everybody's struggling and they don't know why anyway.
Speaker 1:So that's my work, that's what I'm up to yeah, and I love that too, because my mentor, brett, always talks about how miscommunication is the baseline and you said it perfectly there with all that. You say one thing, you intend one thing, somebody hears something totally different, and the whole game should be to try to minimize the miscommunication as best as you can so that you can deliver better communication overall.
Speaker 2:Well, we think we're communicating. That's my point. We think we're doing it right. I'm talking to you, you hear that right. But again, the filter is different. What's happening is with different filters.
Speaker 2:You and I, as two men, will tend to not trip on each other very much, right, but you and your girlfriend, me and my wife, me and the women in my world, often, you know I'll say things and they'll assume something else. They read between the lines as opposed to listen to the words. That's just how they do it, right. So with that they come to terrible conclusions. Now their feelings are you're like what the hell? That's not what I said, that's not what I meant. It's like, yes, it is, I feel like you know. So, like this collision is we think we're doing it, like we're using words and we're not communicating. We're constantly missing the boat, and I can give you an example that'll make your head as curly as mine. Like it's crazy what we do and we have no idea we're doing it and we think we're doing it. That's really where some of the big troubles, especially in communication, come from. Think we're doing it, that's really where some of the big troubles especially communication.
Speaker 1:So what brought you into this realm? How did you even get into the like, how did you even get started in the whole realm of relationships and communication?
Speaker 2:yeah, good question. So, long story short, I I was at five years old when my consciousness and my feelings could actually be together. Right, we all wake up, I call it. We all come online at five Now language and thoughts to connect with our feelings. Because before that we're all feelings. Right, you have a fit. You're not agreeing with mom and dad's rules, right, anyway, so the moment you learn language two to three years old, right until it becomes you, can actually think for yourself. We're just feelings. So at five, we come online Thinking and feeling. Can I get in line?
Speaker 2:My awareness at five I can tell you exactly where it's sitting is that I was born in the wrong family. I'm not supposed to be here, right, these are not my people. I don't fit in here. There's something wrong. You know how terrifying that is. As a five-year-old, it's terrifying. So I knew I was going to raise myself, I was going to be whatever. But what happened in that moment is my awareness and I call it my internal radar kind of went and started watching the world. Right, first to understand my circumstances. How the hell can you be born in the wrong family? I mean, how does that? But that was, that's what I concluded Like there was no other explanation. So I started watching the world and literally I was the kid in the corner constantly watching people. I've been doing this since five years old, right, and when you practice something this much, you become a two right, you begin an instinct and an affinity. So you know I could look at people and if I focus on somebody I could actually feel what they're feeling Interesting. So it's good for my work. But that started that way.
Speaker 2:I've also been doing personal development since I was 23 years old. Because of that, those beginnings beginnings I didn't know who I was, I didn't know what I was here for. I didn't know I was going to be here for very long, like I. Just I can need to figure out you know why I'm here, because I was apparently I'm not supposed to be here, right? What? What the hell anyway? So personal development um, I've had three, three, three phases in my life. I used to be a professional commercial dancer I think you know this right. I worked with Michael Jackson, prince Paul Abdul and all these guys for 15 years, and then my wife and my dad's class, because I was teaching class as well. And we got married and when we decided to start a family, I realized I wasn't going to be like my dad. I wasn't going to be absent. I wasn't going to be in Europe or whatever Asia with my kids. So I stopped dancing.
Speaker 2:Phase two of my life I opened a car shop in Los Angeles. It allowed me to buy a house and take care of my kids and be present, and that's really the goal. I want to be present for my kids and I want to be in their lives. So the business get this in Los Angeles, unheard of, my business was six minutes from my house and the kids' school was two blocks away. So we used to walk into school all the time. So I was at every recital with my wife, every parade, whatever the hell was going on in school. There was both of us all the time. I never had that. So that was important for me. So, by design, changed my life, because my life was changing and it was just phase two, right, and then phase three happened in 2018, years ago. It was crazy. So in the world of personal development in Los Angeles, it's a lot of people, but then it's also a small community. You keep running into people. So I'm in Northern California, san Jose, in a three-day workshop about business. You know, lifting the roof of my business, I wanted to whatever, make it more successful.
Speaker 2:On the flight back to Los Angeles I ended up. It was the last time that I believed life was random, because before that I thought I was the lucky guy. And shit happens. And you know, amazing and good for me, lucky guy, and shit happens. And you know, amazing and good for me realized there was a destiny already in place on some level, on some level. And this last moment is pivotal in my entire life.
Speaker 2:And this one, like okay, so we're sitting on the plane, 200 people on the plane flying back to la, and what are the odds? I'm sitting in a row with a couple that I met at the event. It's just one, two, three, you know. And so I'm like that's kind of cool, right. But the lady says to me, as we're flying in, she's like what are you doing next weekend? I go next weekend, I'm pre-watching. She goes you want to come to a workshop? It's on me. I'm like, absolutely, because it's on me. I'm like, absolutely, because I'm a workshop head, I learned something. It could be about watermelons, or you know. I'm curious, I want to know everything, especially if you're a specialist, you know what I mean. So I said yes first, and then I'm like so what's the workshop? And she goes oh, it's called Understanding Women.
Speaker 2:Oh boy, now my reaction when I told my friends the story they're like dude, there's no such thing. They don't even know, they don't understand themselves. They're completely like roo-roo-roo. That wasn't my reaction. My reaction was like my life experience with women is I always attracted sweet, sweet, sweet women. That was my life. I didn't do the drama, the screaming that my friends did, the yelling. You know, you meet my wife. You go, oh wow, because you will with my wife. You'll go, oh wow, like she's just this, her loveliness, right. So understanding women. And my first thought was like oh man, I got this. I can tell you how You're, how I'm ready to teach this.
Speaker 2:I know I got this. I mean, my friends are looking up to me. Be like how do you find a girl like her right Now? I couldn't, even though I thought I had it. I couldn't explain it. I don't know how I started to sweep women. That was just my. I thought it was me to be cute. You know what I mean? I'm saying we've been cute, right.
Speaker 2:I walked into the space 400 people in the space, whoa, not cute. And I could feel there was something in that room, there was something like big and magical in the space and sat down, opened my ears, right, and all I can tell you is, by the end of the workshop, my brain is all over the walls. I slipped off my chair, seven times off my chair, like in disbelief of the things that we're understanding about women that we, as males, have no idea. And the workshop leader was amazing because every time she'd drop a bomb and I fell off my chair, with another few guys who were like just baffled, she says, just so you don't think I'm crazy up front, right, let's take five minutes to check in with the ladies next to you, because it was a mixed crowd and they did our program. It was brilliant right, and I remember there's a 19-year-old on my left, on my right. It's brilliant right, and I remember there's a 19-year-old on my left, on my right and a 30-year-old on my left, but I always start with the 19-year-old. So bomb, I pick myself up from my chair. I'm like literally go. No, she's like, yeah, I'm like, but that's impossible, that would make me crazy. Yeah, sometimes we're crazy, sometimes we act crazy, but I mean, that is the beginning, that's how we are. So what I'm saying to you is like I realize on the other side of this that I knew nothing about women, this guy who thinks he's got it right, nothing Like, nothing like, scary nothing. But you understand, at that time I was also married with two little kids. That also meant I knew nothing about my wife. Alarm, alarm, alarm, right, like. So I was just I, I panicked, I'm like I'm not gonna be statistic because I don't know this, I don't know what I'm doing to her. Obviously I don't know how she's processing, I don't know why she thinks things personally, I don't know. I like, I see, I saw all the like. I don't know any of this, you know, I mean, and that's how it started.
Speaker 2:So I jumped into that company. I took all their workshops and after taking the workshops I started assisting for free. You could be in the room after you paid for the first round, right? Because even the same workshop, the teacher would be different, the question would be different. Like no more, more, more.
Speaker 2:Now I was doing all. I was it for us. I was doing it for me and her and her family. I wasn't doing it as a possible business in the future. I just didn't want to be sadistic and all my siblings there's two and three like divorce is terrible. I was not going to lose my baby, my life, my wife, my kids because I didn't know. To me that was obscene. So I kind of went crazy. I'm a little bit like this.
Speaker 2:So after that I continued studying. I became a workshop leader for them, decided to not that was the wrong track at that time, just the politics of the company and whatever. But I continued researching and studying. So I'm now standing on the shoulders of five masters in the field of leadership dynamics. So everything I talk about is not my opinion. It's nature, science, biology, anthropology, psychology all mixed together. So the cocktail of how to break down relationship dynamics is my work.
Speaker 2:So what happened is. I started teaching my friends and people in my business kept showing up and crying on me at the front desk when they're dropping their cars for repairs. It was crazy. I'm also the guy that people talk to Like I've always had that. I don't know what that is either, but people just reveal everything to me. So it's so much so that that's how it started right. We closed the front, the gate, the door to my office, and the guys knew that meant don't come in. Somebody's crying. So that developed into full-on.
Speaker 2:You know this was 2006, so 18 years ago, and three years later I started the company Project Equinox and this is now the full-time. My job is to help alleviate the pain, confusion, frustration and love dynamics. By the way, it's not just men and women, it's also men, men, women, women, it's all the same. The people who succeed, they know how to do this. We do it naturally. We research and study them. All do the same thing, regardless of between your legs, regardless of orientation. They do yin-yang, they do polarity, they do complementary dynamic. So the people who do it naturally about 10% of the population, gay, straight, lesbian, who can sustain long-term relationship all naturally seem to know how to do it. The rest of us have to learn. So now we know what works in our culture today in a modern way. Oh wow, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:No, no, I appreciate the story because that makes it so much more easier to understand and connect with you.
Speaker 1:But, geez, wow, I mean I was in a similar situation once I first started with this organization Art of Coaching. I kind of started diving in, absorbing it, and then I was like, oh, I got to do this more, I got to do this more, and it was similar to the things that you went through in terms of what the material that you're learning communication styles, influence tactics, type like basically, conflict resolution and navigating power dynamics and all that fun stuff and I was like eating it up like crazy. So I relate to what you're talking about, how like, wow, you're like time for me to go crazy on this stuff. But I want to. I want to dive in a little bit more into your story, because you had the shop for a while and then you decided to to start project equinox, and could you share a little bit about how that was like? Because, like, do you still have the shop? What was the transition like in terms of business, wise and that that almost killed me.
Speaker 2:The shop started in 2000, so about 2006. This is the. The event happened at the workshop, right and like I said, that went, that went nuts, I went nuts. I was every weekend, I was gone every weekend. I was in a workshop every weekend, I was right and, uh, learning this stuff. And the more I learned, the more I realized I needed, like there was more. That's that's why I couldn stop. There was always more right, all the layers. So what happened?
Speaker 2:At one point I hired the body shop is very, very. It's an auto body shop so it's very difficult to run. There's a lot of details. It's very, very time and energy consuming. So I was the boss, I was managing everything Five employees, sometimes six and what happened is when I realized I wanted to do more coaching. That was sort of the pull that, organically, people kept coming. I hired a manager to manage my business and I was trying to keep it as an ATM machine. Right. You can own a business and not be part of it. Like you know, elon Musk has got 600 companies, whatever right. He's not managing any of that shit. He's got like what? He's got 600 companies or six, whatever right. Yeah, he's not managing any of that shit. Excuse my French right, he's just right. So I can, you know, keep the business as a cash machine, as I'm developing this thing and putting my energy here.
Speaker 2:And what happened is the which made it impossible for me to get out of it, because the more busy, the more I need to be involved and at the same time the other side grew like crazy. So now my life went this yeah, I mean split, but I mean I almost died. I mean I worked all the time. I had events in the weekend, I had events on Tuesday nights on top of working 10-hour days at the shop. But I was trying to find a way to do both on Tuesday nights on top of working 10 hour days at the shop. It was like, but I couldn't. I was trying to find a way to do both, you know, and keep the business. And right before COVID, five or six, right, six years ago, I got it. I can't do both. It's impossible. And if I'm out of the business, the person to replace me and the salary that we required makes the formula upside down. Now we're going in the red every week, every month.
Speaker 2:I did for five years. I tried to make this work out. It was like okay, so then it became we got to let it go. So I owned the business. I owned the property, sold everything. I didn't want to be attached to any of it. I could have kept it as a landlord Right too much in it too like no. So I sold everything and then officially boom this full time, full full, diving into that. Dive into it. It's like and it's my god mission. It's not even a choice really, it was just like it came down one day. This is my job to teach this to the masses.
Speaker 2:People are struggling, you know, women are in pain and women feel abandoned and all what's going on. Men like I, I don't want any of it. So it's a terrible, terrible thing that's happened to our culture. We know how we got here, but people need help to recalibrate. People need help to come back together. People need to understand the dance.
Speaker 2:I call it the dance of relationship. Our ancestors could do it, naturally, because men were men, women were women. Now we dismantle all the titles in the name of freedom. I get it Beautiful, fantastic, but it made things more complicated now, really complicated Again. Empowering women is great, but now you know.
Speaker 2:And softening men because they're toxic and dangerous. No, those are boys, those are not men, right, but it's that kind of belief out there that what I see that's really, really devastating for women is that we're trained and raised from little girls to be strong, independent and powerful. Right, they don't need no man because they're cheap, they're toxic, they're dangerous. You know. You can't trust them anyway. Well, really, really, and it's actually out there Like people believe that you know. So guys are being feeling disrespected and shit on, and women are mean and condescending. They go. Where are the women? These are all like angry, nasty, you know, non-feminine, like.
Speaker 2:And the women are like, where are the men? Right, because the men that are soft, they say they want a nice guy, but they don't respect a nice guy, they don't like a nice guy, they put him in a friend zone. They want the guy, the top tier guy, who's traditional. I mean like he's, because our role as men has not changed at all in our culture at all. Right, men expected to provide, protect, cherish, give support, lead and pay. Men expected to provide protect, cherish, give support, lead and pay, pay, pay, pay, pay. That's the new one. That's like more calibrated. I have no problem with that at all. That's my job as a man to take care of my family and provide the machine I'll kill myself out there for them to be comfortable. Absolutely no problem with that. So women still want these guys and they're the top earners, like the 10% of men who actually have all of that right. So women are looking still for traditional males. But they were taught or they believe or they refuse to be traditional themselves.
Speaker 2:They want to be married, but they don't want to be wives, they don't want kids. They want the comfort but they don't want. They don't understand the yin-yang of the dance. So you know, there's a lot of stuff out there. I'm watching you thinking now. I'm watching your brain go. There's a lot out there, like you know, what do you bring to the table? And women are like I bring this to the table.
Speaker 2:No, that's not enough for an alpha male, a guy who has his life together, who's got good character, build his business, build his life, be successful. You know, these guys who are masculine, are not interested in masculine energy, women and if you're only going to bring your body and your beauty forward, it's a joke, man, these guys want quality women who want to be mother, have their children, right, you know, build a legacy and a kingdom, put their arms around all of it and go look what I did. That's what traditional men do. But again, we teach women to not be traditional. You're better than being some guy's slave and children will ruin your life. Really, it's ugly, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, it's a difficult game or dance, I guess, right, but I'm curious though, so, um, but I'm curious though, so, like cause you're talking about? You said before that there's there's a differences I think I've heard you share before, uh, about like different levels or, um, ages, I guess, of men, um, and you said like certain ones who are doing like the lying, cheating and the kind of like running around.
Speaker 2:They're not really serious, those are not men, those are boys.
Speaker 1:So how do you differentiate those and when do they change and where do they all eventually get to becoming men? Because I know there's a bunch of people who are still kind of like I would say, immature, I guess.
Speaker 2:No for sure. So in my world there's four types of men, and on the other side there's also four types of women, and the bottom ones, especially on both sides, but more so on the guy side. The bottom ones, for women have to learn to avoid at all costs, because these are the guys, these are the ones that cheat, lie, scam, right, like. Those are the toxic ones. Men are not toxic. Men provide. Protect everything, everyone, anything that needs protection, right? A woman's car breaks down, a man's going to pull over to help her, not a woman. It would be dangerous. She doesn't know her. Why would she put herself in danger? Put another chick. Women don't do that. Right, it could be a trap, I get it. So a man will pull over to help the lady and then right behind him there's going to be another guy, just to make sure he's not a creep. Because that's what we do. We defend women for these bastards, right? That's what natural masculinity does. So the toxic ones are not masculine, they're feminine. It's actually the lack of masculinity that makes them toxic, manipulative, shitty, vicious. You know, these are the guys who hurt, rape, cheat, lie, whatever. So those are the boys. Now get this in the normal development of a man. A boy obviously turns it to a guy, teenager turns to a man and ultimately becomes a gentleman, typically right. So this is the natural progression.
Speaker 2:But what happened is in our culture and there's good reason for this. Psychologically, in life, you know the way you were, as men want to provide protection, give support, lead their wives, their kids, their lives. Boys are takers. They want to take your money, they want to take your time, they want to take your energy. They manipulate women because they think women are here to serve them. So those are liars and cheaters. They'll say anything to get what they want. They're narcissistic, right, and they're all about me. So he's a 10 and everybody in this world is a zero. They play victim. Life is so difficult you have no idea how tough it is out there. Really right, so I mean, but it works. So they get stuck in boyhood typically no daddy, bad daddy and or single mom, because there's no role modeling. So they get stuck in the feminine, and the feminine, you know, will pull towards as opposed to give, will take. You see it. So they're inside out. We call it ego dystonic. So these guys have to be worried at all costs.
Speaker 2:Problem is you ready If you're a masculine woman most everybody in our culture now right, masculine energy woman, you could be beautiful and lovely. It doesn't mean you're feminine, right? So masculine energy is the energy that you bring. If you're masculine energy woman, are you ready? You only, only, only, will attract feminine men, those toxic ones, and then you think that's men, because one or the other your energy will attract the opposite. This is nature. This is not my opinion. Everything in nature is polarized Yang yang, black, white, masculine, feminine men, women, right, everything is male, female, everything that grows is polarized and in opposition. So you're going to be masculine, you're going to attract the boy over and over, and over and over again, and you think that's men. Then you don't trust us, that we're toxic. Yeah, those are the ones who have the worst experience. Have to avoid these guys. But you also have to tune in your energy to be able to attract the masculine one. You see the magic. So it's not that complicated. You have to understand the game.
Speaker 1:And really it's the energy that you bring. It's how people are. You know, you understand, your energy introduces you before you open your mouth. Well, so what do you do? How, like as a guy? How do you? How do you level up to the next? How do you ultimately get to that gentleman status?
Speaker 2:yeah, again, nature should do it. If you raise, right, if you have a father role model and a mother who's nurturing appropriately, when the balance is well done, it happens. But most of us experience some glitch in the formula. Right, so, and again, if you consider 70% of young men don't have fathers, that explains a whole lot, right? These guys that don't make decisions, they can't support and they just live small, if any. A lot of boys, right.
Speaker 2:So the guys that are stuck in the middle, guys are, like, masculine enough to have a job in an apartment. They don't live in the basement of mom's house at 30, right, but they have a little shitty job. They have a little shitty car, right, they have two roommates or three, so they live small because there's no reason to push harder for them. They're masculine enough to do life, but they were shamed out of being masculine by the culture typically or their mothers. Right, be a nice guy, don't lean on women. Be a nice guy, be a nice guy. So these guys end up literally kind of having a sense of masculinity, but not when it comes to women in a relationship. So these guys will say stuff like so where do you want to go for dinner? So what? Where do you want to go for dinner? What movie do you want to go see? So am I going to see you this weekend?
Speaker 2:They put it on women, thinking they're being polite, not understanding. Women absolutely hate that, because if you put it on her, you're putting her to mask it in. She's been masking it all day, all week, all month, and then now you're going to put it on her to create an evening, right? So I always say to the guys when I teach this stuff to men, I'm like, if you want a lady on your arm this evening, make the freaking plan right. It's flattering, she doesn't have to think about it, she doesn't have to create anything and because, get this, this is a big reason why if you pick the wrong restaurant as a woman or the wrong movie and you talk shit about the movie afterwards because it's a piece of crap and girl flick, right, she's gonna get pissed because she picked wrong, you know. So you don't put that on her. You make a plan and you ask how she feels about it and then she can adjust. I mean, that's the magic of it, yeah, so the guys just don't know. So they get friend zone, friend zone, friend zone. They're not masculine enough and they don't make plans. They put everything on her. Women are like. Next, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Men are men. Men just have typically more traditional systems in place. The father figure is this appropriate masculine that teach him to be appropriately masculine. It keeps him from going into dictatorship and toxicity or being too much of a beast. You know what I mean. So the father will actually raise the son in the calibration that is masculine and respective to the world, to people, to women, right?
Speaker 2:So men are men and they know who they are. They conquer their fears. They push to build their characters, right, because they conquer fears and they push and push and push and compete with everything, everyone out there, to make something of themselves. That's naturally what we want to be. We want to be powerful, we want to be successful. So when you push like this, you conquer yourself and build your character, you build your confidence and, typically, you build the business. You can make some money, some good money.
Speaker 2:And these men that are traditional, who fought to create the life that they've decided they created, these are the guys who want women, wives, children, legacy and leave. You know, build a kingdom and leave a legacy behind, whether it's the kids and the money and the career or the business or all of it. That's what men want the and the money and the career or the business or all of it. That's what men want, the masculine ones. The problem with masculine men, right, is that they're hard to connect emotionally with, with the ladies. So there's a way to bring this beast because we're beastly, I call it, we're testosterone-y, right. We're big, we're loud, we're conquering, we push, we push. We often run people over.
Speaker 2:I run my wife over all the time. Ah, forget about her. She's like oh great, I'm trying to explain, you don't want to explain, I want to come, that's fine. This, I don't even hear it, but it's like because so we do shit all the time, we run them over, right, we're too controlling, we're too big, we're too testosterone, and so women are like, oh god, he's so, he's so right. Well, there's a way to bring him out of his head, out of that beast energy into his heart, and actually we need women and femininity to do this.
Speaker 2:Ha, now, every successful man understands this, right, every guy who's successful, as I will say, I wouldn't be this guy without my wife, and I can tell you this, I would not be this man without my wife. I wouldn't care about anything as much as I do because of her and the standard in which she inspires me to be. Every man who's successful says that Behind every successful man is a fantastic woman who knows how to blow wind in his sail and create stuff that you can't even imagine. They all say the same thing. So, as a woman in his, you know, in his life, you blow wind in his sail as opposed to blow wind in his face, which is what's happening out there all the time, and women don't understand why men don't commit You're wind in his face, not the wind in his sails, right, so I could do this all day long, not when it's sales right, so I could do it all day long.
Speaker 1:Oh no, that makes sense. I like the analogy with the sales because that makes a lot of sense there. So where do you fall in with your coaching? So what does it even look like coaching with you? I know you do one-on-one coaching and I know you do events. Do you do group coaching? And what does it even look like?
Speaker 2:working with you. Again, it's the decoding and understanding of the dynamics between men and women, or men and men. The dynamics, with the energy that you bring, will create the connection and the relationship that you create. So if you tend to be too masculine as a woman, you're going to get bumped around like crazy and think men are jerks right. But it's not understanding men. And when a woman is masculine, it's actually instantly disrespectful to my masculinity, your masculinity, right. Masculine men do not like masculine women. They're irritating, they're off-putting. They're too big, right. They're like the thing they complain about us, right? They're too opinionated. They're too-putting. They're too big, right. They're like the thing they complain about us, right. They're too opinionated, they're too combative. Men don't appreciate that in women, even at work. They'll take it, but only so much.
Speaker 1:Well, what about so? Why do men like, or are men usually attracted to other masculine men in like a sense of like a bromance or a team or something like that? Because like a like a bromance or a team or something like that? Because, like I'm thinking sports, like I'd rather have like a more testosterone guy on my team by my side if we're, if we're trying to kill the other team basically for sure.
Speaker 2:But as men, we like to come together as warriors and conquer everything. So every, every sports team is that. That's the hierarchy of everybody knowing their place. But together we're going to conquer the field, we're going to conquer the game, we're going to conquer the whatever. Right, there's a coach and there's a. You know the line. That, right, everybody's got their place and they're very clear on it. Right, I'm the defense, right, I'm not like. So together, the hierarchy of organized strengths mine is different than yours and all this stuff we come together in the right mix to conquer the world. The men want to do this. Naturally, men do this instinctively, right, you create hierarchy to work, to fight, to compete, to win.
Speaker 1:So then, how come a masculine woman wouldn't fit in there as well, in like a non-romantic kind of a relationship?
Speaker 2:Well, typically, you know, even a masculine woman is still a woman, right, and it comes with resisting masculine leadership. When they're in that mode, they resist masculine leadership, right, so they become combative, right. So often, disrespectful All the things that they don't appreciate about us, they'll throw at us and then like stop, no, no, right, so it's just, it's just a mechanism. You understand that men are warriors at heart. You know this, I know this. You're a warrior, I know who you are, right. Do you let anybody tell you what to do?
Speaker 1:No, you can't.
Speaker 2:That would be like you'd be a noodle, right? So masculinity resists outside input of any kind. No man's going to tell you how you should be unless you're asking, right. But if somebody's going to lean on you telling you you need to be more like this, you need to be more like that. You need to be more like this, right, you go, get the hell out of here.
Speaker 2:We don't respond to being commended, right? We are in charge of our lives. We control our lives. This is how we survive. This is how we make creative business. So unsolicited advice, opinion or leaning on is instantly going what the hell, get the hell out of here. So in our culture, women become you need to be more like this. You need to talk like this. I want you to be more like this. You need to talk like this. I want you to be more like that. I want you to talk to me this way. I want you to blah, blah, blah. And what it does? It puts men back, not understanding how that works. Now, there's a way to do the opposite, to bring him to address all these things, using his instinct. But when you're commanding and masculine men push back and you think they're tricks, you see it.
Speaker 1:So you say, basically, what you're doing is you're helping decode different situations and relationships. So when you come in, so with someone listening right now, how do they know like, hey, this is, I need Andre's help Because are they in a bad relationship or are they in a good relationship trying to make it better, or not even in a relationship?
Speaker 2:No, it's typically can't get away, you know. So probably 80% of my customers are women, single, 30 plus, strong, independent, powerful. Realize now, you know, money doesn't make her happy. She's tired, she's burning out, right, if she's got everything, she carries everything like a man, right, and they'll say things to me like she's burning out, right, if she's got everything, if she carries everything like a man, right. And they'll say things to me like you know, I have a house, I have a business that speaks six figure, I have everything, but I'm lonely, I'm tired. So by 30 plus, they come at me with. I don't want to work this hard, right? I want a relationship, I want some help, you know, I want companionship, all of this stuff, right? Except nobody wants to date me. What's wrong with me? I can't get a date. If I get a date, I get ghosted. I'm like that's good energy.
Speaker 2:Not your fault, right? So these are both of my clients. They can't. They now want relationships, maybe, families and kids, maybe, but it's over 30, something you know. And now they realize they actually want to be more feminine. They did the bad boss, babe, and they don't like it. They really don't like it. They're tired. So but they don't know understanding their masculine energy. Masculine energy men aren't interested in them. So the men that they want don't want nothing to do with them.
Speaker 2:So how do we calibrate? That's the word, right? So if you're tilted and you're masculine as a woman, this has been neglected Lifestyle, childhood. I understand trauma, all of it, of course, right. But how we cultivate this side, oh, I know, that's just right.
Speaker 2:So the way I put it, this little bit crass, is you can be a boss, babe. I'm not talking about undoing everything you build. That would be ridiculous. You're kind of you build. That would be ridiculous. You're kind of you know that's a ridiculous thing to say.
Speaker 2:My point is, if you're tilted, where your feminine has been dormant is now behind you because you've been forced or pushed or valued for this. When you recultivate your feminine, right, the idea is soon you could be boss, babe. Just the way I put it. It's a little bit crass, but you want to leave your balls at work at the end of the day, ladies, and show up in the world as women, because that's when men are going to see you, right? So in my world, a boss babe is a girl who understands how to do both.
Speaker 2:Be a boss, turn that shit off when you're on a date. Turn that shit off when you're in the world. Let men be magnetic, feminine and watch men go. Hey, right, and you want a good guy, a top tier guy. He's masculine, he's traditional, looking for a traditional woman. That means feminine, warm, magnetic, inviting, radiant. It's very simple. We all, and we know when we see it. We see a feminine woman, like oh, wow, like it's just oh, it stops us in our tracks. So being masculine really is not an advantage for women and being feminine is I call it their superpower.
Speaker 1:But the culture told them nah, that's weak and that's lame. So really, the key is to be able to distinguish between both sides, or being able to turn the switch on and off, kind of Right.
Speaker 2:That takes practice because, again, if you're tilted hard, right, and this becomes impossible, or you see, men are not noticing you, like, what happens when a woman's in a masculine? They completely disappear from our radar. We don't see them, we don't care for them, we don't say hi to them. Right, energetically, you know, and part of that is instinctual energy. It's all energy, it's not, it's not gender, it's not gender, it's energy. Because you understand organically, masculinity has no, there's no instinct for masculinity to take care of the other man. It's not my job to take care of another man. He's supposed to figure out himself. He's supposed to conquer his own crap. I'll do myself. But we'll protect women. They're crazy. You know what I mean. So Our instinct is to protect the feminine.
Speaker 2:So when a woman is in a masculine, we don't care, they only become invisible like a block of ice. And when we're like I'm pretty, I have everything, I have nobody. You're not feminine, your energy is not magnetizing. You become invisible. So there's nothing wrong with you, you're just over-calibrated. Become invisible, so there's nothing wrong with you, you just over-calibrate it. So the magic is to learn how to do both. It takes a minute, but it's pretty simple In the end. When you practice it, all my ladies are like oh my God, this is so amazingly simple. I just had no idea. Nobody's ever taught us and I know you were taught to be a boss. That's okay, but over-calibration will leave you lonely.
Speaker 1:So I got to ask you to bring it towards entrepreneurship. Yeah, how can this benefit somebody in the business world when they're going through? Is it just simply knowing when to kind of show up more masculine or show up a little bit turning things down, or is there something else to it?
Speaker 2:No, it is pretty much understanding. You know what. Like the lifestyle that you want to have looks like what? If you're entrepreneurial, there's going to be a lot of masculine energy. Whether you're a boy or a girl, we both have both, by the way. So it's. How do you balance it? Do you know what I mean? So like, so it's. How do you balance it? Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2:So my wife and I are very traditional in the sense that I lead everything and she supports my leadership. But she also has her own career. She's a ballerina. So she works in the colleges, right, gets all the benefit, gets paid, gets to live her passion, mentoring young adults into the ballet world. I mean, she's been doing it since she was six years old. I'm not going to take that away from her, I wouldn't. But she does it part-time because the rest of the part, you know, she works part-time because I work full-time, right.
Speaker 2:So she lives her dream, but appropriately for the feminine, not to burn out, and the rest of the time she could be a mom and a wife, take care of the house, because the stresses are out, it's not taken care of. So that's the organic mix, that's having it all. You know what I mean. But if you're going to lean too much in a 40, 50, 60 hour week as a woman, not only energetically, you'll be off-putting to the man that you want. But understand that people hate that conversation, but it just is. It's not my opinion and you'll confirm this as a man. Right, I'm going to say it this way Men, do not commit to a woman who's committed to something else you feel that, yeah, I can see that you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:So masculine men who work like dogs, right, will not sit at home until 9 o'clock at night, 10 o'clock at night, waiting for her to come home. Like, why, like? So if a woman's committed to away from him, right. If he's going to be in a relationship with a woman that he wants to build something with, right. If her focus is away from us, away from him, away from the family, away from being a mom, because that's typically what they want, they go okay. Next, I'll find a woman who's available. So being available is a huge part of this formula. The masculine man wants his woman to be available when he's done with his work, and this is the recharging, recovering, right. Yeah, that the feminine provides. So if you're not available, men will go okay.
Speaker 2:I mean, I had a client. She came up to me. It's in Los Angeles, right, so she's a model, of course. She's blonde, she's beautiful, right. She does magazine coverage and fitness stuff. She's a fitness coach, but also is as a production company where she does like video editing and blah blah, right. So, okay, girl, boss, babe, fantastic, right. So, editing and blah, blah, blah, right. So okay, girl, boss, babe, fantastic, right. So he goes on a date with one of my clients and good-looking guy has shit together, right. So on their first date she pulled her balls out. I do this, I do this, I do this, I do this, I do this. I'm also a model, I'm the cover of this magazine, which is fine.
Speaker 2:But his reaction was like, hmm, no time for me in this space, in this life. There's no space for me in her life. Do you know what I mean? And you said to her. You said to her like you know, sounds like you're so busy, you know there's no space for a relationship in there. And she lost her mind. She's like how dare you? She's like dude, like dude. That's like I'm looking for a woman right to be in a relationship with and you're too busy doing everything else. That's more important. And, by the way, I'm going to say this this is going to sound terrible and I'm not excusing anything, anyone. But a lot of men who have affairs are experiencing that the woman is into something else and kind of left them behind. And often they go and they've magnetized to something feminine lovely, that's cute. So I'm not excusing, I'm not saying it right, but it's when you start looking at the data, the research, that what's happened. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's really missing the boat on what works.
Speaker 1:And again it's not for that one example that you gave a minute ago too. Couldn't a woman play that to an advantage if she was looking to kind of get a radar on the guys that she's dating and his masculinity? Because if somebody has high masculinity, wouldn't they kind of step up to the challenge to kind of be like, okay, well, I've also got X, y and Z going on to kind of show their masculinity, and then she could have like toned it back down and was like, oh well, that's kind of something. What I'm interested in finding is somebody who's who is a go-getter, who's doing different things, because I want to take a step back and kind of right, that's possible, but mostly it's a blind spot.
Speaker 2:If you're that bad, that energy, that attitude, that go girl. You know. I mean like, and I've seen this, I've seen like really basketed and very feminist women who like, don't, you know, don't want no man and just men, are toxic and all that crap. In the presence of a huge masculine man at my gym right, the big, the big, the big guys were like stoic, feel like a break house, you know what I mean. And then look down at her and goes how you doing, turns into a little girl. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Masculine energy will bring a woman who's feminine right, so it's possible. But most men won't fight for women to become feminine Like you either are or you's possible. But most men won't fight for women to become feminine Like you either are or you're not, and so men won't fight for it. He could say, look, you need to chill out, you need to pull it back, right? Women don't respond to that very well if they're in that masculine energy. And why would he bother? Right, he's just going to find somebody who's feminine. He's going to find somebody who's feminine. He's going to find somebody who's less everything going on, because he's got it going on.
Speaker 2:And what happens is, as men, you understand this right why my job to me is always to keep my wife working as little as possible. Why? Because when she is less tired, when she's more balanced, she's lovelier, she's happier, she's full of energy, she's radiant, she has the energy to take care of the stuff that she does naturally best around us right, connecting with the kids, connecting with me, being feminine. Right, when she's good, like everyone's good, when she's happy, I'm happy. When she's good, I'm good. You understand. So men naturally will keep women comfortable as much as possible, because that energy is what fuels us to go conquer the world. There's a yin-yang here. You know what I mean. That's the magic. But now we have everybody 50-50. And then I understand why men don't care, because men are not attracted to that energy. They don't want that energy. They want the other side.
Speaker 1:Well, andre, so this was awesome and, yeah, I love diving into it because it's interesting to hear. You've got awesome insights and experiences in this whole world, so it's exciting to learn and hear from you, and so I appreciate this conversation and I want to be courteous of our time. So if somebody is listening and they are interested in getting in touch with you for maybe a workshop or something you've got coming up, or even your coaching, if you are taking on new clients, that is, how do people get in touch with you?
Speaker 2:So I'll send you. I have also two guests to be listeners. So if you go to projectequinoxnet that's my website there's podcasts, there's blogs, you can spend the day there. I do a lot, a lot of podcasting because I'm spreading the world, I'm spreading the hope. Right? This is actually doable in this modern culture. We just have to understand. You have to send your voice better, naturally, with a modern twist. Next, I'm going to go back to the 50s. You can email me directly AndreCoaching, the number one at Gmail, andre Coaching, one at Gmail direct. My email ask me questions, but also I'm going to send you.
Speaker 2:So I do a lot of podcasting, again to spread the word, to spread the hope, to make people understand. This is very, it's all very doable when you learn how, the distinctions, how to come together, the yin-yang of everything, everything in nature is yang, so we're complementary as men and women. And how do we come together? My strengths are completely different than my wife's strengths, but together, oof dude, do you know what I mean? That's the magic. It's not masculine or masculine, it's not feminine or feminine, it's yin-yang, simple, anyway. So I do podcasts, again to spread the word and bring some understanding and alleviate the pain and the confusion, but I notice there's two type listeners on podcasts. You're probably familiar with that. So the people who jump in the podcast because they're kind of I hear this all the time. What's this masculine and feminine thing right? Like what do you mean? Like I'm a girl, I'm feminine. I'm like well, not necessarily as a man. I'm a girl, I'm feminine, I'm like well, not necessarily as a man. I'm masculine, not necessarily at all. Women will confirm that. So people who are just dabbling, I call them right Information seekers.
Speaker 2:If you're an information seeker, we'll let the audience qualify themselves. If you're a lady, by the way, on this case information seeker directly to my email, andrecoaching1 at gmailcom. In the subject box you just write irresistible book and what I'll do is I'll send you a copy of my book. It's called are you ready? Five Feminine Qualities High Value Men Find Absolutely Irresistible Ladies. This is some shit 30 pages. It's a workbook. You get to fill it out. I'll send you it digitally and you can print it and work it. I sell it on my website. I'll give it as a gift if you're an information seeker woman.
Speaker 2:By the way, ladies, this is my work with men. This is not my opinion. Nothing I teach is my opinion. It's nothing that teaches my opinion, it's all the work. This is man talking. What they find irresistible is not your butt, it's not your hair color, it's not your height, right, it's the energy that you bring, which I've been. This is what I'm talking the whole time anyway. So that's one.
Speaker 2:If you're what I call the second type, listeners are more like action takers, right, people take naturally kind of lean in. Love these people because they lean in, right, these are the people who change their lives because they're the leaning kind of type. Anyway, so if you're more of an action taker, andre, coaching 1, in the subject box, just write talk now and I'll send you a link to my calendar and we'll have a conversation like you and I are having, and this call it's on me. It's conversation like you and I are having, and this call it's on me. It's free, it's complimentary for people listening. We talk about what you're struggling with, right, because people call me when they realize they're in the loop. Always the same damn result. It's very easily understandable because that's how our brain does. So we go right to it 15 minutes, literally.
Speaker 2:We go back to childhood and figure out where the wheels came off and why, if a woman, you stuck any masculine, why, as a man, you're stuck in your feminine, why it's not serving you. What's all the opposite, right. So that call alone is liberating for some people, because people come at me with what's wrong with me. I keep doing this. What's wrong with this? Nothing wrong with you. It's your product of your past. So, just understanding, you're not broken, it's just your product of your past, which means we can fix it. Nlp, get the trauma off of you.
Speaker 2:If we could do all this, what's the dream life? Because now it's possible, we could do the work right. You want marriage and kids and da-da-da-da-da. You want companionship only, but like a serious companionship. When you're older, like, oh, what is it you want? What's the dream life? And see if you want to step in. There's small, medium, large ways to work with me. There's workshops, but there's one-on-one. One-on-one and group stuff. There's a bunch of ways to fit your budget, but the people who change their lives take action. So it takes a little courage. Again, this is who I am, so you could just, you know, get on the call with me and no pressure to see what happens. Yeah, so, by the way, two great offers, thank you. By the way, if you want both, ask me for both, and you can ask for both and write me something, ask me a question, tell me I'm full of crap. I'm not full of crap, but please come at me, right? That's the idea, is to really kind of make this yeah, there you go, guys.
Speaker 1:If you're, if you're just an information seeker, make sure you send in the email. I'll send back that workbook for you to kind of take action on your own. But if you're the person who's like, yeah, I really want to dive into this and get this rolling, make sure you dive in and contact him immediately and get rolling with it. Uh and, dude, I appreciate it so much. This was awesome. It was really fun to kind of dive in and hear a little bit about your background and then also hearing a lot on the masculine for men, boys, the guys and everything in between. So this was a cool conversation. I really enjoyed it. Dude, thank you, as always, I appreciate you. Thank you. Talk soon, man. Yes,