Surviving the Side Hustle

From Addiction to Redemption: Rick's Journey of Transformation and Purposeful Living

• Coach Rob • Season 1 • Episode 68

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Rick's journey of redemption and resilience is a testament to the human spirit's incredible capacity for transformation. Faced with the devastating impact of porn addiction on his marriage, Rick shares the heart-wrenching moments that pushed him towards recovery. Guided by his coach Kevin, he navigated the challenges of regaining his wife's trust, even as he confronted past indiscretions. Listeners will be moved by Rick's honest account of his struggle and the hope that emerged from his commitment to change.

We also explore the profound themes of grief and perseverance through the lens of a seasoned firefighter who faced unimaginable loss. The story reveals how principles of intention and commitment became vital in overcoming adversity, including the tragic death of his son. This narrative examines the complexities of forgiveness and the emotional journey towards healing, reminding us of the strength required to support a grieving family while finding one's own path to recovery.

Finally, we delve into the transformative power of mindset and the importance of breaking free from a victim mentality. Through personal anecdotes, we uncover how intentional actions can shift one's perspective from being a victim to leading a purpose-driven life. By embracing the AIM model—awareness, intention, and mindset—listeners are encouraged to reframe their narratives, transforming personal pain into a source of empowerment and guidance for others. The episode closes with a powerful message about choosing a life of purpose, guided by faith, love, and intentionality.

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Speaker 1:

what's going on, guys? Today on the show we've got rick rick. You've got an interesting story, um, so I'm excited to dive into that. Uh, we were just chatting a second ago that you're down in nashville now. So how is it down there, how's weather and what's going on with you, right?

Speaker 2:

now. It's beautiful out here. The fall is just starting to really kick off. Down here, Fall colors are just starting to sprinkle the landscape. Little chilly mornings, chilly evenings and beautiful afternoons.

Speaker 1:

Oh, yeah, I love it. I love it. I always, whatever season we kind of change to get into, I always kind of kick it off saying that that's my new favorite season. I think I'm just, I think I just really like to change.

Speaker 2:

but yeah, fall is definitely up there right now so yeah, it beats the summer.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. So how about? How about we dive in a little bit, sharing a little bit about your story, where y'all you take it from where you best want to bring it?

Speaker 2:

Okay, well, I spent a 25-year career in Southern California with the city of Anaheim and retired there and moved out to Nashville back in November of 2020. And the journey really started many, many years ago when my wife and I first got married, and that marriage started with a prayer. I was asking for a wife to come into my life and I prayed for her very physical appearance and very fleshly, if you will kind of a prayer, and very fleshly, if you will kind of a prayer. And then I ended the prayer with most importantly, I want her to be able to help me become the man of God that you want me to be. I had no idea what that would look like or what that would even mean, but I can tell you this 10 years into my marriage, my wife was so distraught and broken as a wife because of me that she said I hate you, I hate God, I hate the church, I quit. She was done With two small boys. She was walking out the door. And the reason she was walking out the door? Because she discovered that I had a porn addiction and that porn addiction nearly cost me my marriage. And she told me those words, rob, I was rocked to my core because I know I had prayed for her. I know that I was asking that she would help me become the man I need to be.

Speaker 2:

The first 10 years I literally nearly destroyed her heart in such a way that she was tapping out on me, god and the church, and taking our two boys and someone else was going to raise my kids, and it devastated me and I totally understood where she was coming from. I mean, how many people do you know would allow a sex addict to continue to abuse them the way that I was abusing her and I walked away with total understanding. But I also walked away knowing that I had to have an intention on recovering myself first so that I can earn her respect back and build out our marriage. So I got a hold of a coach and for the next three and a half years Kevin coached me into becoming a man that could earn his wife's heart back. And three years into our mentorship my wife got pregnant and I still hadn't come clean with everything I'd done. So Kevin asked me. He said when you feel like the opportunity is there? Kevin asked me. He said when you feel like the opportunity is there, I want you to trust that inward spirit, that voice that you hear, and if it ever comes time to divulge the information that you've told me, I want you to be able to share that with your wife, kelly, and I agreed quickly because I knew that's not going to happen. There's no way I'm going to be able to tell her what I've been doing. How about if we just keep going the way we're going? I'm healing, I'm recovering, I'm not engaging like that any longer. So the past is the past, let's the future begin, and we'll leave it at that.

Speaker 2:

Well, that time came and she was pregnant with our third child and she came to me and said I know you have something to say, something needs to come off your chest. She was also mentoring with my mentor's wife and she had already informed her that there would be a time when I would be ready to reveal what my secrets were. And lo and behold, they came. You know, when she's pregnant, and I'm thinking, man, this is not the right time or the place for her to be hearing about what I've been doing for 10 years. So I begged her not to go down that road and she wouldn't take it and she wanted to to hear. So, with a deep breath and a sigh, I said, okay, well, hang on, here we go. And I told her everything that I'd been done. I told her where pornography had led me. It led me down to the streets of strip clubs. Uh, it even further complicated into where I was even involved with, you know, prostitution and man. It was just killing me to tell her all this stuff. But to my surprise, she took it relatively well Now.

Speaker 2:

The only problem was that I was a fireman at the time and I lived I don't know about an hour and 20 minutes away from where my work was. And so I went to work the next morning after telling her everything, thinking it was okay. And then I called her up later that night to find out how she was doing and how she was processing the information I gave her. And she said you know what? I don't know that I could do this. I don't know that I could stay married to you. I thought I was able to handle it. I thought that I'd be able to process this, but you gave me so much information last night that I don't know that I could ever trust you again. I don't know that I could ever love you again. I don't know that I could ever, you know, stay with you, and not only that, but I don't even think I can carry this child. So now I find out that she's not only ready to walk out on me justifiably so but terminate a pregnancy that we tried seven years to conceive with.

Speaker 2:

So I called my mentor after that phone call and I was livid. I said you told me to trust that spirit and I did. And now my wife not only wants to divorce me, she wants to terminate her pregnancy. And his words to me that have just they've made an indelible print on my mind, because he brought me to a place that I didn't even know who God really was. And what he said were these words, rob, he said if you think God has taken you on this journey, through all these trials and through all these tribulations and through all the things that we've mentored, through and through all the things that you and Kelly have endured, only to drop you off at the doorsteps of an abortion clinic, you don't know my God. And I thought, well, I'm going by what she told me. And she said she wants not only a divorce, but she wants to terminate the pregnancy. He said just give her some time, give her some space. And so I gave her some time, I gave her some space, I did my best to just love her through the process of where she was at. And, lo and behold, she was able to finally get through it after a couple of weeks and we were able to restore our marriage and she ended up giving birth and she gave birth to a little girl. So I had two boys and now I've got this little girl. And this little girl we named her Victoria as a symbol of being victorious in our marriage and in our family. And that little girl is 24 years old today.

Speaker 2:

So every time I get to see her, I get to see the product of what it takes to take commitment and use the intention to manifest your purpose. So with intention comes choice and with choice comes commitment. And when you commit to that choice and you commit to the work, the outcomes are going to be just little nuggets of gold throughout your life. So I started taking that principle, you know, and using it in my everyday life. So I ended up working at the fire service for 25 years down in Southern California and I used that intention whenever I was faced with adversity or I was faced with a situation that called for an intense amount of commitment and fortitude in the direction necessary to take the actions necessary to create the experience that was necessary that would produce the emotion that would keep me on the right track. So, instead of just getting discouraged and upset and angry and bitter, I would take whatever those emotional energies that I was feeling and I would intentionally shift gears and find and maintain a positive outlook and look for the lessons or the little bits of gold that I could learn in whatever situation I found myself. So I started to develop that tool a little bit and then had this wonderful career, was eventually voted on as the union president and navigated our department through the most challenging time in our entire organization's history, and we were very successful at what we were able to accomplish.

Speaker 2:

And then, you know, stepping back just a few years before that actually happened, when I took that call to be the president, I was faced with an adversity that I knew nothing of, I've never experienced, and I thought, man, how am I going to get through this? And that adversity was I had a knock on my door at four in the morning and it was the Riverside County Sheriff's Department and they asked me if we were the parents of Michael Cheatham, and of course we said yes. And the words that came out of their mouth next rocked us. Your son was killed last night. And now I'm sitting here.

Speaker 2:

I'm in my early 50s I think I'm like 51, 52 years old and just got news that my oldest son had been killed, and that started us down this process of learning how to grieve, learning how to overcome the most devastating news and experience that a parent could ever have. Now that was fine when I was using these tools to navigate out of my sexual addiction, because I had more control over that. But to try to use these tools to navigate out of the depressive cycle of grief and the anger and the bitterness that comes along with knowing that some other human being hurt your baby to the point that it killed him, was a journey I wasn't prepared for by any means. So rather than to deal with my grief, I kind of just buried it. It was just so much easier just to push aside the heavy lift of dealing with the grief and just focus on loving my wife, because she was just absolutely distraught, and so I spent most of that year and the next just loving my wife and helping her through her grief process.

Speaker 2:

And then I started seeing what the effect of that was having on my son's younger brother, who was 16 months younger than him and his name's Kyle, and he was 21 at the time, and the devastation that it brought him to was very harmful drinking and things like that. And then I was also witnessing what it was doing to my daughter, who was 13 at the time and just developing that relationship with her older brother. That was one more than just the little baby sister that's always in the way yada, yada, yada. He was actually spending time with her and building a friendship with her as a sibling for the first time, and it was that October of 2013 that my son came to me and said I'd like to invite Victoria over to my apartment, over to my apartment and do Halloween with her, and he just made it very special for her, and my daughter was on cloud nine just loving every minute of spending all that time with her big brother, and it did my heart good. It felt really good to watch him pour into her. It did my heart good. It felt really good to watch him pour into her, and then it wouldn't be but a month and a half later I got that call. It was seven days before Christmas 2013 when we found out that information.

Speaker 2:

So now I'm seeing all this stuff that my children are going through, my wife's going through, I'm going through, but I'm pushing it down, not trying to deal with it. And I'm sure you know, if I was to ask anybody that's listening to this conversation right now how many times in your life have you ever been faced with something so difficult that you just didn't really even know how to deal with it and you just suppressed it and you just pushed it down and hoped it would go away? Well, that's where I was. I was just hoping this would go away and, in time, I would deal with it. Now I was also working on myself to learn how to forgive the man that did this, and so the words came out, but the emotion was never there to attach with the thought of forgiveness, never there to attach with the thought of forgiveness to really resonate with my spirit that I could forgive, especially after seeing what it was doing to the kids.

Speaker 2:

So, jumping into my union work, I really focused on my membership and I really focused on the adversities we were dealing with as an organization and working out those adversities with our executive staff, and it took my mind off it, but I don't know that I really dealt with it. Still, I don't know that I really dealt with the grief. And then COVID hits in 2020, and our department is funded primarily. I think it was like 60% of our budget came from the transient occupancy tax, the TOT, that is generated in a resort area like Disneyland. So Disneyland, literally, was responsible for the majority of our budget. That's not good.

Speaker 1:

And they were closed.

Speaker 2:

They were closed for over a year during COVID, so our city having the fiduciary responsibility to figure out how they're going to navigate this. They came and they asked all of us older guys that have been on a while if we wanted to take an early retirement and they would cash us out. They would pay us out. It was an offer, rob, I couldn't refuse. Because, number one, I was tired of where things were going in California. I was tired of dealing with the adversities that we were faced politically, economically. All the things just weren't lining up. I was just tired, plus all the grief. And then, everywhere I turned I would see memory of my son. You know, wherever I was, in the city, in the town, you know, I was constantly reminded of my son. I thought this would be a great opportunity to just cut and run, just take the money and run, leave a year early and go enjoy your retirement and then maybe then life will start to make sense again. So I did and my wife and I moved to Nashville, tennessee. We bought a house that had an Airbnb in the bottom half. We started the process of opening up an Airbnb downstairs, had to go through the permitting process and all that stuff.

Speaker 2:

And then, five months into my retirement, I fell and I broke my neck at C4 and C5 and was paralyzed from the chest down. So now here I am kind of navigating this whole pushing and suppressing of my emotional baggage from grief. But now I can't walk and I'm in the hospital for two and a half months learning how to walk, learning how to take care of myself, learning how to function again. And the nerve damage was so bad that they didn't know that I could walk. They didn't know if I'd ever have use of my hands again. But they said if you're going to walk, you're going to have to put some time in and make a diligent effort to do the work which brought me right back to where I was in the porn addiction. I had to come up with the intention again of making that choice and making that decision Do you want to walk again or are you comfortable with being a victim of paralysis? And I couldn't do that to my wife, I just couldn't do it. So I made the intention and with that intention comes that action and that action creates that experience again. And I did everything in my power to walk out of that place. So when they came to me and said what do you want to accomplish? I had one goal, and one goal only I want to walk out of here. And so we went to work and two and a half months later I walked out of the hospital without even the use of a cane, still had a lot of deficit, nerve damage and all that that I still am working through nerve damage and all that that I still am working through.

Speaker 2:

But the key here is that the intention and the vision or the rehearsal of what it was going to look like in my mind when I walked out of here. I just played that over and over and over again in my head until it became so powerful that I literally not only had the thought of walking out but I was able to experience the emotion of what that was going to look like and feel like when I walked out. And you put those two things together and it is the remedy for mind shift. So I walked out of there, I got home, everything kind of went back to normal and unfortunately, my mind went right back to being a victim. Here I am, five months into retirement. That's not fair. Here I am. I just buried my son.

Speaker 2:

You know the early 50s. Now I'm, you know, in my late 50s and I break my neck. So this period of my 50s became a crucible in my life that I just thought was unfair. It was just I was a victim of another man's choice, and now I'm a victim of a fall, and I don't know that I'll ever be the same again. And so my mindset became focused on the doubt, the fear of ever being the same again.

Speaker 2:

And what I had learned through the addictive cycle was that our thoughts, they create the patterns that we have, but primarily they create a choice, a decision. Every thought we have comes with we can make a decision, and when we make that decision, that decision turns into an action or a behavior, and then that behavior creates this experience. And that experience is what gives us the emotion. It gives us the feeling emotion, it gives us the feeling, and then, when we couple that thought with that feeling, it solidifies the synapses in our brain and it rewires our nerves in a way that brings about the results we're looking for.

Speaker 2:

So I did that and I started to try to overcome my thoughts. I thought to try to overcome my thoughts. I thought, well, maybe if I got involved with real estate and real estate investing. And I taught my nephews how to do construction. We could get into buying properties and flipping them. So I thought maybe I'll get in the flipping industry. I can't do the work myself, but I can certainly teach somebody what to do and I could certainly find the right people or subcontractors who know how to do the work and I could just supervise and manage it.

Speaker 2:

So I'm in this process of real estate investment and I heard this keynote speaker at one of the events that I went to, or at one of the events that I went to, and he was focused primarily on the mindset of where we find ourselves, predominantly in our thought patterns. What do you think about yourself the most? What do you feel about yourself the most? And for me, my thought patterns and my emotions were one of being victimized. So I felt useless. I didn't have the body I once had. I didn't have the use of my hands I once had. I couldn't walk the way I once did, I couldn't climb ladders anymore, I couldn't do anything physically, and so I felt useless as a man, kind of lost my identity. I lost my identity when I retired as a firefighter. Now I've got a broken neck and paralyzed. So I've lost my identity as a man, as a firefighter. Now I've got a broken neck and paralyzed, so I've lost my identity as a man.

Speaker 2:

And it all just kind of started coming in until I met this man and he spoke those words what do you think about the most? And then he asked the question who would like to come up and share what their conclusion was? And I don't know who raised my hand. It didn't feel like I did, but my hand went up. And I don't know who raised my hand. It didn't feel like I did, but my hand went up. And I was in the back row and he called on me. And so here I am hardly able to walk.

Speaker 2:

But I hobbled down to the front of the stage, got on the microphone and he asked me so tell me what it is that you think about. And I said well, most predominant thought I have is that I am a useless man. He goes why do you think you're useless? And so I told him my victim story. You know you don't understand, man. I've got five months into retirement, I break my neck and now here we are, I'm trying to navigate through it. My body doesn't function everything that I've already talked about here, and he looked at me and he said do you think I'm useless? And I said well, of course not. Now, why he asked? That is because it's important for your audience to know this man's name is Nick Santanastasso, and Nick Santanastasso is probably one of the top transformational speakers on the circuit today, worked with Tony Robbins, for I think he was on tour with Tony Robbins for over four years.

Speaker 2:

Guy's just a powerful, powerful, transformational speaker. Well, he's got no legs and he's only got one arm, and he was born that way. And here I am, a guy with all my body. I mean, I've got my legs, I've got my arms. I just I'm slowed down by the nerve damage, but I felt so useless. He's telling me well, am I useless Since you put so much emphasis on your body function? I've got no legs and one arm.

Speaker 2:

So I was just curious if maybe you thought I was useless too. Wow, I said absolutely not. And he said your thought that you are useless is your way of coping with all the adversity that you've been dealing with, and it gives you your escape, your way out, and it's justified. You, your escape, your way out, and it's justified. You can justifiably say I'm a victim of my circumstances and feel halfway good about that, because you are. I was born this way. I've never had the option to see it any other way, but he had gone through the same things that I'd gone through. He'd been. You know, am I really going to be good enough? Am I really going to be able to function in life again? Am I really going to be able to ever hold a job again? Am I ever going to be able to function as a man? So he had all the same thoughts that I did. It's just he was adapted to understanding it a little bit better because he'd been there for so long. I'd only been in this position for maybe two years and I thought you know what. You're right. You're absolutely right.

Speaker 2:

So what Nick was able to do was he was able to take away my victim card. I wonder how many people are listening to this podcast right now who have a victim card that they play every single day of their life. I'm to this. I'm to that. I'll never amount to this. I'll never amount to that. You don't understand. I was abused as a kid. I was sexually abused. I was molested. I'm in a marriage that's terrible. My husband's this, my wife's that we all can come up with pretty valid excuses to remain in a state of victimization, so that we don't have to really, with intention, grow through the process, with intention, grow through the process. So when I was faced with that question, I decided okay, now that I'm aware of what's going on with my mentality, with my thoughts, I need to now take the next action, which is, with intention, to start changing my mindset again. And so I started to use this model, which I call AIM, a-i-m. If you ever want to change your mindset, you have to aim at the right targets.

Speaker 2:

And aiming at. The right target for me was, first of all, I had to become aware of what I was doing, why I was thinking the way that I was thinking, how my brain was wired from the time that my childhood development began and the subconscious side of that brain was running programs unconsciously that I didn't even know about, I wasn't even aware of. And when I fell into my victim mentality, my subconscious, my childhood development years kicked in and kept me anchored at that place. That you're right. You are a victim. Life's unfair. It's treated you harshly. You've lost a son and now you've lost your mobility, all within a span of seven years. And why don't you just stay there, rick, and just spend the rest of your days, you know, just doing the best you can, Let other people help you, let other people serve you and your needs, and just navigate the rest of your life like this? And my wife came to me and she said she said I feel like you've given up on me, you've given up on yourself, you've given up on our marriage, you've given up on us and we've worked too long and too hard to have what we have, only to leave you here stranded now as a victim of your circumstances and pushing me away, and it caused me to really do the hard work of reflecting.

Speaker 2:

So after I met Nick, I spent the next year diving into understanding how my mind was keeping me in bondage to my thoughts. And, lo and behold, I get this Instagram feed that comes across my IG account and it was Nick. And Nick was offering a mastermind course on how to do what he does be a transformational speaker and life coach and I thought, wow, I didn't even know that existed. I didn't know that was a thing. I had no idea. I mean, I'd heard of life coaching. In fact, I even went back to college when I was in my fire service career to get a degree in psychology and thought that maybe if I got my degree in psychology when I finished my career, I would go into marriage counseling. I wanted to be a MFT marriage family therapist and I thought, okay, well, that'd be a great way. So I started that process.

Speaker 2:

But then Mike dies and I just lost all that drive and all that desire to want to even go down that road anymore. Here I am working with men who are struggling with sexual addiction, working with their. My wife was working with their wives, so we were doing couples mentorship and after hearing all the years of why people are so frustrated in their marriage, it made me angry. I thought you guys have no idea what hardship is. Try burying your son and walk through marriage issues. I said you guys are crying and moaning over you know he doesn't pay enough attention, or she doesn't do this for me or I don't do that.

Speaker 2:

And I just seemed so trite and so trivial that I lost the desire to even want to help people again and so I bowed out of it and for the next 10 years I did nothing in trying to help other people because I was so damn focused on trying to figure out how to help myself and use the tools that I taught so many times. But man, it was so much more difficult for me now because of those two situations starting the 50s with the loss of your son and ending your 50s with a broken neck the two major things that you know, I think everybody fears the most. I mean, how many times do we hear growing up from our moms don't do that, you're going to break your neck, get out that closet you're going to break your neck.

Speaker 2:

Don't do that, I mean. And I broke my neck and just like. This isn't a good reality for me. So when I wanted to push away, my wife wouldn't let me and so she caught me back involved with it. We started going down this road again. I see this Instagram feed with Nick. I engage with him. He ends up remembering me from a year earlier and I signed up and became one of his students and he mentored me as a coach and as a transformational speaker and helped me to navigate my way out of that isolation and that mentality.

Speaker 2:

And what I learned through the process, rob, was this In life we have people that will do some things that hurt us, and it's kind of like a snake bite. You get these people in your life that just bite you and they leave their toxic venom behind you. Well, the snake slithers off and it does its thing and you never see that snake again, but yet the toxin and the poison that's left behind it starts to circulate through your body at a level that starts to break it down and if it's not treated, it will literally kill you. So here I was, navigating grief, navigating paralysis, and I felt angry and bitter and resentful, and I even felt justified to be that way. Now it's been years since that man did that to my son, but I still held on to the anger and the bitterness and it was destroying me. So I came to a conclusion All right, rick, now that you're aware of what your mind is doing, rick, now that you're aware of what your mind is doing, now it's time to take action with intention. And the action that I needed to take with intention was to learn to forgive this man for what he did to my family.

Speaker 2:

And so, with tears and trembling, I faced that demon and let go of it and forgave the man that killed my son. And when I forgave the man that killed my son, it was like this weight just got lifted off of me. It was like peace, like this weight just got lifted off of me. It was like peace transformed me again. It was as if I had found the antidote to the poison that was riddling my mindset as a victim and blaming people for what had happened to me and not really taking on the liability that says maybe this is something for you to learn in this, maybe there's a gift in all of this, maybe there's somebody else out there, rick, that is going through a similar experience that you've had, and they might want to end it all Because I had got to that place, I didn't want to live anymore, and now you'll have an opportunity to pour into and help manifest an outcome for them that brings their family unit together, brings their mindsets together, brings the outcome together in a way that's positive, so that you can help other people.

Speaker 2:

So when I was able to forgive the man that did that, I started the next year of my journey, learning what I can do now with that story. What I can do now with that story. How will this story transform the lives of other people? How can I take the crucible and the adversities of my life experiences and use them to condense the time for others so they don't have to wallow in it? For the 10 years that I did, and Nick taught me then how to not only use my talent to be able to speak in a transformational manner in a transformational manner but also use it so that I could help, coach and mentor men who are struggling with sexual addiction, who are struggling with a marriage that's collapsing on them and need to be restored or that need to be rebuilt.

Speaker 2:

People dealing with grief at all different levels, not just sibling, you know a child grief, but you know there's all these other losses in life that people deal with and have that grief response to. And then, of course, the traumatic injury. How many people have been injured to the degree that they lose the function of their bodies and they want to give up? Injured to the degree that they lose the function of their bodies and they want to give up? So with that, what I developed was a way of addressing all of those issues in life with just three lettered acronym and it's AIM, you first become aware of what's going on Because, let's face it, we don't know what we don't know.

Speaker 2:

And when we don't know what we don't know, our subconscious mind, the pre-programming of our minds from our childhood development, take over and things become so rote, they become so automatic. I mean, just ask yourself this Every morning when you get up, what do you do? And then, when you do that, what's the next thing you do? And then, when you do that, what's the next thing you do? Our mornings are so habitual that it goes on autopilot, and we can relate to that, because when I get up in the morning I brush my teeth, I go make a cup of coffee, I come in there, I drink a cup of coffee and then, when I drink my first cup of coffee, then I go into a meditation and I start to meditate and after I meditate I'll write down a couple of words in a journal and then from there I mean I'm retired, so I don't have the rote memorization of going to work every day anymore, but I still have developed my own patterns. But when I thought back on all the patterns that I had done when I was working your audience can relate to that Every day we do the same thing over and over and over again, same thing over and over and over again.

Speaker 2:

In fact, we have the same thoughts over and over again, we see the same people over and over again and our life becomes this one cycle of doing the same things day in, day out, and we start to develop this rut, the rut of life. And then you work your way for 30 years, whatever it is, and you retire. And then, once you retire, then what Most people die within a year or two after retirement. I didn't want to do that. I wanted my life to have meaning, I wanted it to have purpose and I wanted it to have a value that would help other people. I wanted to serve the needs of other people who were dealing with things that I was dealing with and, as a result, that AIM model.

Speaker 2:

Once the awareness comes to how the mind is processed, then you make the decision to take action with intention, and that is. That intention is not, you know, deviated by one day of saying you know what, I just don't feel like doing that. No, when you take action and it's intentional, you have a purpose for why you do what you do, so that the outcome changes. And then, once you take the awareness, you take the intention. Once you put those two components together, you start making decisions that are different, and those decisions create experiences that now you tie back to your thought process. So what I started doing is I started taking experiences of my son's death. Okay, what did you learn? What is the most valuable thing that your son's death taught you? And it taught me that life is short and you don't know who's going to be here tomorrow. So take every day to love the ones you love and to rebuild what needs to be rebuilt and earn the right to be heard and respected by those you value.

Speaker 2:

And with that model and that shift in the mindset comes the new thought patterns and the new rut, if you will, of disconnecting all those old energy synapses, the electronic energy that's going through our minds and rebuilding new pathways. And those pathways, and that energy is nothing more than our emotion. And so in life we have two roads we get to go down. We can go down the road of the rut that I've already explained and that is littered with fear and doubt. And so when you are constantly living life in fear and doubt, you're living in your past. And when you're living in your past, your program is taking over and it runs its course. And so you will continue to get the same results over and over and over again. And then you throw your hands up and go. I don't get it why Life's so unfair. Life's happening to me. Look at what these people did to me. Look what that guy. The guy cut me on the road. You don't know what that guy did on the road.

Speaker 2:

That's one path, and that's the way that most of us live our lives, and so my question is are you happy with that? Is that the life you want? Is that the life you enjoy. Is that the life you really want to live? If the answer is no, then we get to go back and we get to choose another path. And the other path is one that's built on faith and it's built on anticipation. It's built on being able to create the life we want rather than live the life we have. So it's not by accident anymore. Now you get to make a actual, intentional decision to change the life you want and create whatever you want in that life.

Speaker 2:

And that's looking at life through two lenses. Then you look at life through the lens of fear. It creates doubt and the results are whatever that rut is, you're living in that you're not happy with, you're not satisfied with that, you're victimized in. Or you choose the path of faith, which is looking through life through the lens of love. And when you look at life through the lens of love, you start vibrating at higher frequencies with your emotion, the emotion of authenticity, the emotion of joy, the emotion of ecstasy, the emotion of thrill, adventure, compassion in love, and they become a creative opportunity that you just get so much fulfillment and passion from, because you're now creating, you're now in control.

Speaker 2:

And the other one is through fear, and unfortunately, it's that fear-based understanding of life that has us all twisted up in knots, understanding of life that has us all twisted up in knots. And so what I was able to do when I developed this opportunity and use it in my own life, first through some pretty difficult, troubling times, is that now I get to live the life I was meant to live. Now I get to live the life that my prayer suggested to help me become the man of God I need to be, and my wife of 39 years has been instrumental in that process. So, in conclusion, I guess I would just say this Whatever life you're living, whatever life you're living, it's your choice. If you don't like the life you're living, it's your choice to change it, and if you want to be victimized by it, then continue down that path.

Speaker 2:

The results will always be one of doubt and fear, and with doubt and fear comes confusion, and with confusion comes that feeling of just being stuck. I just don't know how to get out of this. I'm stuck. I don't know what decisions to make anymore. So, like me, I found a coach to help me navigate life again, and that coach came in the form of Nick Sentenstasso, and through Nick's help, he's been able to help me develop an entire curriculum for the path that I want to live.

Speaker 2:

And as I'm living in this path, my life becomes purposeful, and with purpose comes meaning, and with meaning comes passion.

Speaker 2:

And then that passion turns to power so you can live a life that's empowering or you can live a life that's disempowering, with limited belief systems in place that you run automatic every single day and find yourself at the end of your journey with living with regrets.

Speaker 2:

And I don't want to be that guy who ret purposeful, that has passion and that has power to change the people that I come in contact with so that they can have the same blessing a purpose-driven life. That's the only way we're going to be able to come together as a people. It's the only way we're going to ever be able to come together in marriages and in families is if we understand our role and our purpose that we play in bringing light light into the darkness of other people's lives, without condemnation, without judgment, without ridicule, and love them unconditionally, like I have chosen to love the man that murdered my son unconditionally. So if a dad can learn to forgive the man that murdered his son, you can learn to forgive the things that happened to you at the hand of another in your life too. Wow, and that's been an offer now Very powerful stuff, rick.

Speaker 1:

That is an incredible story. Oh man, wow, and I love the framework and the intentionality behind everything. Man, rick, thank you for sharing that. I really appreciate your time today and coming on and sharing that very powerful story. But before we run, how do people get in touch with you if they're interested in hearing more and getting involved with what you've got going on?

Speaker 2:

They just get a hold of me through my website. It's rickcheathamcom, just my name, rickcheathamcom, and that'll tie you into my program. It'll also tie you into some emails. It will get you connected with my Instagram and my program. It will also tie you into some emails. It will get you connected with my Instagram and my Facebook and things like that. Yeah, it's very easy, just mynamecom.

Speaker 1:

There you go, guys. Rick Cheatham, c-h-e-a-t-h-a-mcom. Make sure you go check it out. Shoot him a message on social media, shoot him an email, get involved. Read a lot more material that he's got coming out. Just stay connected, touch base with Rick and stay tuned for next time, guys. Rick, thank you again. So much for taking the time today, buddy.

Speaker 2:

Thanks for having me, rob. I appreciate being on the show. Thank you, of course.