Surviving the Side Hustle

Transforming Your Life and Business: Matt's Journey from Traumas to Triumphs in Entrepreneurship and Self-Care

August 28, 2024 • Coach Rob • Season 1 • Episode 56

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What if you could radically transform your life by simply aligning with your true purpose? In today's episode, we sit down with Matt, a beacon of personal and professional resilience, who shares his transformative journey from mowing lawns at seven to pivoting from baby product consulting to empowering entrepreneurs. Matt reveals how pursuing his passion has not only brought him unexpected peace but has also improved his sleep and overall well-being. Tune in as he discusses the profound impact of following one's passion over mere financial security, offering valuable insights for anyone grappling with career uncertainties.

Our conversation with Matt gets candid as we explore the ever-evolving journey of self-love and personal growth. Matt opens up about overcoming past traumas and the significance of self-care routines, especially for those under immense pressure like entrepreneurs and executives. From the transformative power of journaling to the benefits of a balanced diet and fitness regimen, Matt shares practical steps for achieving a balanced and productive life. This episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to break free from self-criticism and prioritize their wellness.

Discover the powerful insights Matt shares about setting boundaries, prioritizing personal needs, and striving for inner peace. We dive deep into the importance of self-prioritization and how it can lead to becoming a more compassionate and effective leader. Matt also highlights the critical issue of men's mental health and the importance of seeking support in navigating personal and professional challenges. This episode is packed with valuable strategies for achieving personal growth and mental peace, offering listeners a roadmap to a more fulfilling life.

Rob:

what's going on, guys? Today we've got matt on matt man, it's great to chat with you again. We've connected a few times, um, in the past month or so maybe, um, and it's great. Every time I get to connect got a great story. I'm excited to kind of dive into it. Um, but before we do, what's going on with you? How's your week going so far?

Matt:

My week is going really well. Yeah, life is good. You know, I mean right now I'm actually I'm kind of just going to jump right to this. I'm, you know, I've made a business change recently and I was doing consulting work for baby product brands and I've decided to pivot that into full force, helping people overcome what I've overcome. So I'm consulting for entrepreneurs and startup businesses, startup advising and really helping entrepreneurs and executives with their businesses and also their personal lives. I'll share more about my story, but it's really interesting right now, like starting a new business and going all in on it and it's a little harder than I, than I planned. So it's it's like but I'm doing good. I'm doing good and I think that's a testament to like what's possible when you do the work and grow and heal, because I'm I'm kind of sleeping better than ever by following my mission. It's crazy. I never would have thought this would be possible, but here I am, trusting life will work out.

Rob:

Yeah, it's pretty, uh, it's pretty scary when you dive in and you're you're making that commitment to totally changing your life. Um, and I know you've got a lot of life changing things going on and it's crazy to hear you say that you're sleeping better than ever with that, because most people would be going nuts with the fear of what's going on.

Matt:

Well, I mean, I'm just as shocked as you are, to be honest. I'm kind of saying that funny, but I guess this is what I knew all along when you will start aligning your life with your purpose more and more and more, and living in your purpose, and everything just feels right, you know. I mean, you start to trust that it will all work out the way it's supposed to. And you know, like I've gotten comfortable with worst case scenario, which I know won't happen. But I'm at this place right now where I would rather be doing something that I love and struggling, having to work harder, having to think harder, having to be more creative, than just just kind of skating north of rock bottom doing something that's not making me happy yeah, I admire that and I respect that too, because that's that's pretty, pretty good approach and perspective to take on things.

Rob:

Thank you, but I got to ask you when was the moment? If there was a defining moment, when did you know? You're like okay, it's time for me to totally jump in with both feet on this adventure.

Matt:

Well, maybe should I take you through the past eight years and how this has all unfolded. Oh yeah, cool, start from there. Take you through, kind of, the past eight years and how this how this is all unfolded.

Rob:

Oh yeah, that's cool start from there.

Matt:

So I've always been a high performer, high achiever, highly successful person. I've had a job since I was 15 years old at an ice cream store and even before that I mean I've, I, I mean I've been making money, you know, like at my grandmother's garage sale, getting a commission from that, um, buying and selling things, helping neighbors with chores. Since I can remember walking, I mean I was mowing my, my neighbor's lawn, I think, probably when I was about seven years old, which is kind of just crazy. Now, when I see a seven-year-old because a seven-year-old is not very big but yeah, I mean they would start the lawnmower. I couldn't do that, but I would, you know, the seven-year-old could walk it through the front yard and, um, but yeah, so I mean I've always been really successful and, um, but I never really like pushed myself that hard. I mean. Well, I'd always pushed myself hard, but I never really knew what the top was. I never really knew that people can make the kind of money that I've learned people make when they are able to assert themselves and align themselves appropriately with good financial opportunities.

Matt:

So I was living in New York, I was in the baby product industry. It's very random that I fell into this. I have done a couple of career changes. I sold metal before this, then baby products and I went into software sales for a while and I was laid off from my job and it wasn't too shocking. Like we knew, the writing was on the wall. The company was like very poorly managed and we had some time to prepare, knowing that this would come. But still, like I was frantic because I'd always I'd always valued money and I'd always valued money as being the instrument that provides safety and it does. I mean money is a huge lever to pull when it comes to safety.

Matt:

But I just dove right in and started this consulting business helping baby product brands. I wanted to take the skills that I had learned and I didn't want to work for somebody else anymore, to be honest, and that was a big driver. I was like I just can't imagine having to be at work at five o'clock on a Friday like holding down a chair just because somebody said I needed to. So when I started this business, I didn't know what I was doing. Like I had a mentor and she was like Matt, I am so busy. I literally have like 30 minutes to talk to you on the way to take my kids to school and I can do that like three times and that's it and I'll send you like a boilerplate of my contract and other than that, you're on your own.

Matt:

I was like grateful, so I just like did what I thought was right and I started getting clients on board and I was very excellence driven and I was undervaluing my services. I couldn't say no to anything. I knew what needed to be done to get the job done and I had no equity or anything either. So it's like I was just like you know this, like this, this like fractional, like you know, head of sales that was doing the job of a full time person but getting paid like a fifth of it, and I and I buckled. I mean the stress and I mean the stress was just intolerable. I had five clients. I was working 7080 hours a week. These companies had no help, like I mean I shouldn't say no help to be fair but like not the help that we needed for the business that I was bringing in.

Matt:

And all of a sudden, like I started to have really bad health problems. I went to the doctor, found out I had high blood pressure and I grew up in a family with a lot of anxiety. I didn't know the term anxiety so much at the time, but I knew there was like a lot of worrying going worrying that's what I would say. It was worrying going on and no one really ever like acknowledged that mental health and emotional health were real things. So this high blood pressure diagnosis I just chased it like I'm dying, I must be having a heart attack soon, I'm gonna have a stroke. And then that, just like added insult to injury in terms of the stress that I was under, and this led into anxiety that I couldn't control, depression. I started honestly feeling suicidal, that I was worried I was gonna hurt myself and panic attacks were really what started. That made me really have to do something. I couldn't drive anymore and my partner and I had just moved to LA and I'd been to the hospital already thinking I was dying of a heart attack.

Matt:

And I went on this journey. I mean I had coaches and therapists and I leaned into Eastern medicine. I was doing acupuncture, literally talking to anybody who would enlighten me, and it all led down a path to realize that my childhood was traumatic. Things happened that I never dealt with and it had to be dealt with. I couldn't, I couldn't, I didn't have the ability to set boundaries or I didn't have the ability to prioritize myself and give my permission for what I needed and I needed help.

Matt:

I needed. I needed help at work, I needed help at home, I needed help in my relationship. I needed help and I needed to acknowledge that I was in emotional distress. And, um, I did acknowledge it. Finally, and I mean, my life is nothing the way it used to be. I have grown my business to where it earns me a million dollars a year earned me. I just left that because I am able to take risks. Now I sleep well, I don't have anxiety, I don't feel depressed. My partner and I started our surrogacy journey recently. Like I can't believe that I'm this person that's taking risks and trusting that life will work out because I've learned to trust myself.

Rob:

So wow, wow, crazy, crazy, crazy. That's such an incredible story and, yeah, I want to go, I want to just kind of bounce back there. So, once you had that awareness there mentioned boundaries and prioritizing yourself but what was your kind of flow or how did you? Where did you learn what you needed to do first? Like, how did you? Once you got there and you were like, okay, I need to acknowledge this, where are the next steps? How do you? What were your next steps?

Matt:

It was a long process, you know I mean it was a long process that I fought. You know, I mean I grew up in a home that there was a lot of love. My parents tried their best. They, you know, they had their own childhoods that were traumatic, that weren't really processed and dealt with and they passed it on you know, to me and you know that's a big thing. Now I mean there's this, I mean there's this new maybe it's not brand new but generational trauma is a big concept now and that's really, that's really what I would say has plagued me and my family. It's just like, you know, my grandfather fought in World War II. He, you know, got shot a couple of times, never dealt with his anxiety and stress and trauma from that, took it and carried it on with the family and just everyone just became anxious people with no boundaries and trying to absorb each other's feelings. And this is what happens when trauma is not healed. And you know my family like they tried their best.

Matt:

I was very, very close with my grandparents. I always felt loved but I didn't feel, but I felt neglected. I mean I didn't feel that like there wasn't, I mean I wasn't given what I needed to and like there was always food on the table. I always have clean clothes. I had a very. I grew up in a very clean house but, like, emotionally there were not resources to take care of me. And I am, you know, I'm an emotionally like, I'm a sensitive person to begin with and everyone you know, growing up as a man, you know you're not supposed to really have emotions in the first place. Now it's a little different. I'm in a lot different in some circles, but, yeah, I mean.

Matt:

So I resisted this for the first couple of years because I thought that if I were to acknowledge, like, the truth of my past, then I would, you know, be betraying my family. And it got so bad where I finally had to, I mean, nothing else was working and I was in therapy, I was talking to coaches, like I was saying, and I was talking to friends and like I just couldn't, I just couldn't. It felt like my body was just kind of fighting with itself and when it came to business, I couldn't really trust myself that well either. Because, like, personally, internally, my body was at war, like it was like, subconsciously, like it was trying to. My body was trying to get my mind to like acknowledge like you are hurt and I wasn't acknowledging that, and I think that's really what anxiety is comes from.

Matt:

For a lot of us, it's just that our internal needs aren't matching our external environments and we don't feel safe and we're trying to suppress those emotions. And I do think a lot of us do benefit from medication. For me, I never really I never really needed medication. I mean I shouldn't, I never really needed medication. I mean I shouldn't say I never really needed medication. I self-medicated.

Matt:

But like now that I'm on the other side of this, like I see that if I I see that what I was doing was more trying to numb the discomfort rather than face it head on, and I needed to acknowledge this. I needed to end relationships and I needed to set boundaries. So the boundaries and the acknowledgement of prioritizing myself were a byproduct of me really having a choice of whether I wanted to just continue to try to numb these feelings, which was not working. I mean, I guess that's what I'd done the first 30 years of my life, and the more that I started acknowledging them and doing what was necessary to actually find relief, the more my life started to become authentic and beautiful and the more I learned to love myself and trust myself and have compassion for myself you feel like it's been a snowball experience with the self-love and you feel like there's a maximum that you can get to.

Rob:

Is it continuously still going as you prioritize yourself and things are moving in the right direction? Sorry if that's kind of a weird curveball, but that's that just kind of like popped into my head because it's. It sounded like it was. That's it started as like a snowball effect, and now it seems like it's kind of like popped into my head because it's. It sounded like it was. That's. It started as like a snowball effect and now it seems like it's kind of rolling. I love that question.

Matt:

It's actually one of the my favorite questions I've ever been asked, maybe even ever. Um, oh my gosh. No, I mean, I don't think that you ever reach, like, your maximum self-love. I think that, like, once you reach a certain level of self-love, you really have the capacity to start loving others and caring for others and that brings a new sort of self-love your way, a new sort of self-satisfaction, pride. I guess you know I love that question and I'm going to elaborate a little bit on it. And you know I love that question and I'm going to elaborate a little bit on it.

Matt:

I think, like I think that when you've like the that are challenges from our past or limiting beliefs we've picked up, or things that we've, things that we do because we've seen, because we grew up with that, like that's, I think, an easier entry point to start like thinking about it that way. Like that there's things that have happened to us that are keeping us small, they're keeping us from realizing our fullest capacity. And when we grow up like that, like the level of trauma that I felt was extreme, you know, and a lot of that is, I think, because I'm a sensitive person. I kind of give this example like somebody might be able to see someone be shot and be less traumatized than someone seeing a cat fall out of a window and die. I'm more the latter and it took me a long time to get to where I'm at now. And no, I mean I am not perfect. I still have a lot to. I still have a lot of room to grow on the self-love spectrum, for sure.

Matt:

I mean, I'm 41 years old and I would say that like this journey started at 33. These are kind of just rough numbers. Maybe at 36, I started to love myself. Maybe at 37, I started to have compassion for myself. Probably not till 39 that I actually be able to stop being so hard on myself. Like the being hard on myself was, like it's literally the hardest thing that I've ever had to go through or had to overcome. Because when you grow up like that, when you grow up always assuming and taking the blame for things, blaming yourself, you're used to being hard on yourself. You don't know any other way. So I mean on a, on a how, on a like how hard I am to myself. Scale I was. I will keep it simple and just say one to 10. I was a 10. Now I'm probably a seven, so there's been some significant relief, but I still have. I still have quite a ways to go and I think that we go from like a healing journey to a personal growth journey. And I would say that I'm on the personal growth journey now and I guess, like, once you get to a certain point, once you see how much you've changed your life, you can't really help but not want to help.

Matt:

Others. See this, like all around me, especially men, especially entrepreneurs and executive men. You know people that have so much pressure at work. We're trained not to even acknowledge that this discomfort or this emotional turmoil exists. This discomfort or this emotional turmoil exists and I think that by the time that we really start uncovering that, at the age that I'm at, it takes the rest of our lives, I think, to really get ourselves to where we're, to where we reach that full level of self-love and self-compassion.

Rob:

Yeah, I agree with you, I think it's I think it's forever kind of a process that you kind of just need to work on and don't want to go too far into the point where I guess it's kind of like or too like braggy, or too much pride, I guess. But but I want to go back to, I want to circle back to some of the self-care kind of thing, because I actually just posted a workshop last week on self-care and prioritizing and deliberately taking some downtime to kind of reflect and kind of check in with yourself. So I want to ask what kind of practices or what do you do to kind of check in with yourself and make sure that, hey, I am still showing myself love Whether it could be something like I don't know, doing small things or if you have a specific routine or strategies that you do to kind of make sure that you are still prioritizing and checking in yourself.

Matt:

Yeah, I mean, if anything, I'm prioritizing myself quite a lot. For somebody who's trying to start a new business, I definitely prioritize exercise every single day, or I should say six days a week, six and a half days a week or something, but it's a non-negotiable right now, you know, I mean, and being extremely I don't like the word busy being extremely productive, um, I'm, you know, I'm. I mean I'm being kind of flexible and the gym may just be 45 minutes, or, on some days, going for a run for 20 minutes is all I can do. Um, some days it is the hour and a half workout that I love. Um, or going to yoga. But yeah, I mean my self care routine. I think once you kind of like I mean you, I'm sure probably can relate to this but like, once you really start taking care of yourself physically, you can't really fully abandon that, I think, because you know how good it makes you feel. Like I mean it's non-negotiable.

Matt:

I mean in the morning I wake up and I have lemon water. It's weird I don't remember exactly who told me this, but I have hot lemon water for a half hour before coffee. I don't know the scientific stuff behind it, but I've been told I should do it and like I can feel my blood flowing better, my breathing is better, I think it cleanses your liver and kidneys or something. So I do that in the morning, I meditate every morning and journal journaling. It's right now like journaling is like come back with a vengeance in terms of its helpfulness. It's right now like journaling is like come back with a vengeance in terms of its helpfulness. It's just like it just completely clears the chaos of the mind and like if there's one thing that you take from this episode, it's just like please try journaling. Like there are no rules, like type it, put it on your notepad and your phone, write two sentences, like like literally burn it after. You know, I mean I think like people think that there's a certain um like strategy to journaling. It's just getting your thoughts out and it helps so much. And um, you know, and I mean I, you know I. I mean I do eat um, normally, like on weekends I like to have my cheeseburgers and pizza, like everybody else, but on weekdays, I mean I eat tons and tons of vegetables and fruit and protein.

Matt:

So you know, I'm 41, like I said, and it's kind of interesting now like I'm getting to the age where I am and I used to be a huge partier. I mean that's, I think, a lot of the reason. That's a lot of the reason that I was able to keep my discomfort and anxiety at bay during my 20s and 30s. So I, you know, I was used to treating my body like crap, to be honest, and I am really noticing now, like why am I eating that pizza and burgers and cookies and wine? Like because I feel so much better when I don't. So I'm kind of excited. It's a lot better than it used to be. I mean, it's better every week or month, even, you know.

Matt:

But it's like I think, like once you really start to realize how much nutrition plays a role in how you feel mentally. My body is not perfect. Like it looks pretty good for a 41 year old body, I guess. But like what keeps me motivated and I think this is great for you to think about like it's finding your why, my why is not to look like amazing in a bathing suit? My why is to look good in a bathing suit? But like it's really to feel good mentally. And and um, I drink tons of water, like probably two gallons of water a day. Um, but yeah, I mean the self-care routine. I don't like I wouldn't be OK.

Rob:

There's no doubt about it that I wouldn't be OK without prioritizing that. Yeah, I love that. You touched on a lot of things there that I that I hold dear to myself, to the journaling. It's just, it's incredible because to me it's almost a, it's almost like an active meditation, because it does slow down my thoughts and it allows me that time to kind of that little bit of time from my head to my phone or to a notebook or whatever. It's slowing things down and it prioritizes what I'm thinking and allows me to kind of reflect back on.

Rob:

Um and when I started with just like a gratitude practice, just a couple, write down a few things and then, even though that was supposed to be helping me, it started causing a little bit more anxiety for me because I was like, oh, I said this thing the other day or I showed appreciation for this person because of that, like I can't use them again. And then it dawned on me, just like you said, there are no rules, do this for you, so you figure out what works for you. If you, however, you want to write whatever you want to write, it's like a sentence, or if it's a novel, just figuring out what's what works for you in that time period?

Matt:

you said anxiety right there. I'm just, I'm curious for you, like what do you think anxiety is like, or how does that show up for you?

Rob:

I guess it was just not necessarily anxiety. I guess it would be kind of just stressing me out. I would get a little anxious. I'd be like, oh no, because I want to do three things that I'm grateful for, but I can't think of anything and I like just used that, I really like the weather yesterday, so I would get anxious. I'm like, oh, what if I gotta think of something else? I gotta think of something else, and then that would slow, slow down what slow down and take away from what the practice was actually doing. Um, it would. It would cause a new problem instead of help me shine light onto the great things that I do have. I would get nervous and then eventually I would shy away from doing it. I'm like, oh, I can't think of anything, so then I wouldn't.

Rob:

I was robbing myself of the benefits of journaling and showing gratitude and getting things out of my head and onto the paper.

Matt:

And where does that come from for you? You think, like, why are? Because I mean, you can be grateful for the same thing every single day, like, like, what's that high? Um, like where does that come from? I'm curious.

Rob:

Yeah, I'm not too sure, but uh, because I always wanted to do something different.

Rob:

And I think having like a log or like having that uh journal of gratitude of different things would show that I have more things to be grateful for instead of just showing gratitude for that time. So I would try to get new things. And then I also put a lot of pressure on myself that I wanted to text a new person every day and remind them of something that I was grateful for just because of having them in my life. And then you have the rough realization that I don't have as many friends as I thought I did. So then I would get back into recycling through messages with different things and that became another job for me until I was just like hey, this is the thing that I want to do, these are my own terms, I'm doing it to make myself feel better, I'm doing it to make others feel better by sharing that they mean something to me, and if I'm doing it for these, I'm doing it for selfish reasons that it's not really helping.

Matt:

It's.

Matt:

I mean it's beautiful.

Matt:

You shared that and I think like it's just fascinating that, like I mean, what you just shared right now is pretty much a mirror of how my mind works and I think so many people hold that in.

Matt:

Like we're all humans that are, like you know, making meaning out of things that happen, and that hits real close to home. Like you know, as I'm starting this new business, I mean it's like I haven't really experienced doubt like this in a while, you know, and I think it's just so important to acknowledge it, especially to ourselves, you know, but I mean, the more we acknowledge it to others and that's really a lot of what I work with people on is helping them acknowledge all of these thoughts and we work through them because it's there, you know, I mean, at the end of the day, like we're, I mean we are putting that pressure on ourselves A lot of it. You seem like a very thoughtful person, you know you care about people, so it's coming from a great place, it's, but we all need to learn to just be kind to ourselves and and and love ourselves for doing the best and accepting ourselves for doing the best that we can.

Rob:

Yeah, I want to ask you, where do expectations fall in here? Because that's something that I kind of I am trying my best, but then sometimes I have an expectation for myself, and then does you see that, with a lot of the people that you're working with setting high expectations versus, and if I were to just set lower expectations, would that necessarily mean that my life would just be less stressful?

Matt:

this is the theme of the week that you just brought up. I I have I've met with two clients yesterday I'm struggling with this a lot right now and, um, I have another friend and a mastermind. She's, her and I were texting a half hour ago. She's she's not. She's in a very tough place right now with these expectations. And you know, for me, I mean, even though, like it's been funny that I've been able to help my clients through this but it's like you can't read the label from inside the bottle very well. So, like at dinner time, like the past several days, I've been really opening up to my partner in a way that I normally don't. I mean, I open up to him normally but very vulnerably, like having you know, getting help in understanding, like why in the hell am I? Like I had a to do list and I've cut this to do list down. Honestly, it's like a 10th of what it was two weeks ago and I'm still not getting it done.

Matt:

You know, and I'm waking up this is another one of my routines. I do go to bed early, about eight, eight, 30. I wake up at four in the morning. So I wake up at four in the morning and I do have boundaries Now. I like with myself I do need to end the day about six o'clock on a bad day I mean even on a good day, hopefully earlier. But I'm like I'm working 12 hours minus an hour for the gym, an hour for, like you know, reading and stuff. But like I'm working this long and like how come I'm not getting things done and I think that, like I mean what I'm seeing, what I'm seeing from my clients I'm interested to hear how this sits with you but it's like we underestimate how long things take.

Matt:

Like this past weekend was a huge eye opener. I sat down. I've never worked on a weekend like this much. I worked all day Saturday and like three quarters of the day Sunday. I made a clear plan of what I wanted to get done on Saturday and I was like I'm surely going to finish this. I was very focused, no distractions. I did not this thing that I would have bet literally probably $5,000 that I could have finished on Saturday. It went all the way over until Sunday and I was like, ah, this is what's going on, like we are attempting to do new things, we're attempting to do hard things and they take longer than we think they're going to. So I don't know if it's, like you know, that's completely trauma related.

Matt:

I've realized like over the past couple of days I've been thinking about my childhood and my mom was very like my mom was a rock star, you know. I mean she did 7 million things and but I remember her, like I was thinking of this last night. I remember her like on her list there was 8 million things and she only got 7 million of them done and she was mad at herself all the time for not doing more. And I mean I think we like I'm surprised the older I get, the more that I'm watching myself like pick up my parents habits, stupid habits, like my dad always used to yell at me for water on the sink. And here I am like I am like I, all of these stupid things, like I hate water on the sink and um. So I don't know if we grew up with that and, like you know, we grew up with high achieving, high achieving, highly productive parents that are always expecting so much of themselves. But right now I am like am like it's interesting, like I mean I'll be very transparent about this.

Matt:

Like right now, like I mean my business is going. I mean there, you know, there's I mean, I have, you know, two amazing clients that just signed up a couple of weeks ago for my full like white glove service coaching, which is really what I want to do. I also want to be working with organizations. I'm with organizations and I really like. What I really want to be do also is writing. I'm writing a book right now.

Matt:

There's a lot of things that I want to do. I started a podcast and I'm kind of like seeing it. There are two paths. There is this day that I can keep doing it the way I'm doing and be rushing from thing to thing to thing and, at the end of the day, be disappointed in myself for not getting as much as I wanted to done. Or I could be honest with myself, get better about being honest myself, but what I can actually get done and really get the same amount of stuff done and just be happy with myself at the end of the day and leisurely flow from one thing to the next and allow that 15 minute break to maybe sit and have lunch and not look at the phone. But I think we're cramming too much in a day, you know. I mean I don't know how else to say it. I think that's what we're doing.

Rob:

Yeah, yeah, I feel, I feel like that that's exactly what we're doing and I think, going back to like the self-love and just that awareness and if, unless you spend a little bit of time to figure out, like hey, maybe I do need to just tone it down and actually enjoy with what I'm getting done, if you don't, if you don't have that time or that, that experience.

Rob:

Reflecting on that, then I don't think you can ever I don't. Maybe, maybe, maybe not, maybe you won't be able to get to a spot where you can recognize that. And do you think people can get caught in that trap where, if they don't experience it am I making, am I just being confusing here?

Matt:

I'm sorry no, I don't think you're being confusing, but can you ask it a little bit? I'm go one sentence or there, so I'm yeah.

Rob:

So so you said that you're cramming a lot in there and you're kind of over overflowing your plate and that's kind of leading to the expectations, um, and instead kind of reflecting and being okay with getting done, with what you are getting done, um, and then just being happy with what you are achieving, instead of beating yourself up for not achieving the things that are still on the to-do list. Do you think, without having that degree or level of self-awareness, do you think people can get stuck in that where they're just constantly focusing on what's not being achieved, or do you think they can break through that and kind of start to be happy with it, kind of just by brute force of I'm going to be okay with this?

Matt:

Yeah, I mean there's a couple of things going on here. First of all, like I would say that in my twenties, like I could, I mean I would get everything done in my thirties, early thirties, I would get everything done Like I could, I could work. I could work 16 hours in a day if I had to, every day of the week. I can't do that anymore. Like, I mean, I don't know, and I think, like looking at most of my friends who are my age, like you get to a point where you have to learn the self-love and the self-acceptance a little bit more. But I think the bigger issue is it's I mean it's a strategy Like we need to learn and I mean we need to learn how to, how to manage everything that's coming at us and it's straight, it's a good old fashioned prioritization is 80 percent, maybe 70 percent of it. And you know, being strategic, you know we learn to batch things. You know, in certain ways, but being more efficient with our times, letting things go, I mean, when I'm a huge reader, I didn't mention that as part of my self care routine, but I could honestly read 12 hours a day, probably if I was independently wealthy and lived alone on an island or something. But, like, when you look at these, like highly successful people and all of the you know the big like business books, they, like I always think of people that are, you know, 1000 times more important than I do. They surely have, like you know, 1000 times more priorities and I get the feeling that they're less stressed because they know how to say no to certain things. And you, like you can't do it all. Like you need to prioritize what's most important. I'm reading a book, will actually read it, and I'm reading it again because it was so good called 10 X is easier than two X. It's like a fantastic book for anybody out there who's, um, running a business like, or anyone that just you know is really trying to to live a, you know, a 10 X type life.

Matt:

And, um, the premise of the book, um, um, I mean just to give you a little bit of information and not leave you hanging there. What it's saying is it's like, when you're just trying to, like, you know, do things a little bit better, there's a million paths you can go there. If you want to save, you know, 5% of what you earn, you know you can do that by buying less food out, you know, buying more store brands versus name brands. Less food out, you know, buying more store brands versus name brands. If you're trying to save, like you know, you know $100,000, there is going to be a very finite way that you're going to go about that. You're going to have to stop hanging out with these friends. You're going to have to start cooking at home, going to the grocery store. You're going to have to start. You're gonna have to talk to your kids about what their lives look like and it's just like our whole lives change.

Matt:

And one of the things that this book has really said to me very, very simply like they suggest, they suggest you expect yourself to do three things a day. Obviously, these are three big you know, three big things, maybe. Let me back up Three things a day. Three things a day is almost, is 1000 things a year. Would you be happy getting 1000 things a year? Three things a day is almost is a thousand things a year. Would you be happy getting a thousand things a year done? When you put it in that context Heck, yeah, you know, I think, like you know, like how we bucket those things, maybe it's, you know you're not going to do tiny tasks.

Matt:

Maybe it's like, of those three things, one of them is, like you know, procuring food and making food for the week or something like that. So that's off the list for the week. But I think for us running businesses, and what I'm seeing and what my clients, being entrepreneurs, are seeing, you really can't, like you can't, do more than three big tasks in a day, especially if you're getting started and I'm a writer as well and like I can guarantee you like for me to just rush through something and try to get it published. That does not work when you are like doing something very special, very highly critiqued. It is a quality over quantity game and I think that we don't realize that, that that applies to a lot of our lives, and quantity over quality is a lot easier. It's a lot easier mentally. It's a lot easier product on productivity, productively, productively sorry, that's what word am I trying to say? It's easier to do 10 small things than it is to do three like focused, hard things.

Matt:

And I think that, um, I think that you know and I think you know, the reason you and I are having this conversation is because we're actually trying. I think a lot of people give up on this because it's too hard to try. Because it is hard, I mean, honestly, the self-criticism that I felt like over these past. I've had to talk myself off the ledge a lot more than I normally have to, because I'm leveling up right now and you have to be willing to like be bad at something in order to be good at something, and so many people aren't willing to be bad at it. And it's not just learning, it's learning how to manage these things, learning how to manage our emotions and our self-criticisms, and that's why we need to talk about this stuff.

Rob:

Yeah, yeah, oh man, I love that you cleared up my question and dropped so much value right there. I love that you're leveling up in so many different avenues and different aspects. I'm excited to hear more about this book as you continue to work with that, thank you. But, matt, share a little bit about what you're doing now with your coaching. Um, who is it you're specifically helping and what is it exactly that you're helping them work through or overcome?

Matt:

I've realized there's a huge need for men to find support, to find ways to achieve personal growth, and I think some of that is, um, there's a huge need for men to find support, to find ways to achieve personal growth, and I think some of that is. There's a couple things. I think that some of that's just society. A lot of us grew up not thinking that it's appropriate to ask for help. I have somebody recently that, just someone who needs help, someone who's close to me in my life, and he reached out to me and he even said I'm not used to asking for help and he needs it, like really bad. And um, he, that was it. I sent him an email, I sent him a follow up and he hasn't even got back to me and I think that you know that's that's. That's 2%, maybe 10% of the male population right now. They just can't ask for help and they're they're suffering the um, suicide um ratio from men to women is one to four. So for every four men that take their lives, one woman does. We are under incredible stress right now and it's just like I mean I don't know how else to say it I mean in prior generations, like I was saying, like I mean I was laughing about this the other day like people used to come home from work and kick off their shoes. Like who do you know that kicks off their shoes at five o'clock and sits in front on the couch? I literally don't know a single person that does that. Like, um, male, you know female like we're all so busy now and the amount of stress that we have is just exponentially bigger than what, than what it was prior generations.

Matt:

And, um, I help men with their personal and professional lives. You know I definitely work with high achievers. I, you know, like people who are really willing to do the work. We will see results very quickly if you put in the work. And you know I take you through my I mean through my framework. I, you know I spent over $200,000 and 10,000 hours of therapy and coaching to put together this, this plan that really helps us make our dreams into a reality, and I take clients through that. I also consult with entrepreneurial type businesses, really from like the $5 million to $30 million point Businesses like at that point, I mean especially ones that are growing quickly. My background is in sales and marketing and I've been consulting for these past eight years I've helped a couple of dozen brands grow from zero to eight digits and it's been incredible.

Matt:

And I think that one of the biggest gaps that I see with these executives or these entrepreneurs is they start to alienate themselves because they stop, they don't know how to get help, they aren't asking for help and I'm the guy that tells you what you maybe don't want to hear, but what you need to hear. And at the end of the day, I mean I have seen so much money being wasted because people don't want to get help. I mean they don't want to get help Like. I mean they don't want to like get the input and so, like, the team is just like, oh, like you know, I mean we're all afraid to say something and I and I really work very closely with these entrepreneurs and executives and help them get out of their own way and figure out what they want. You know, I mean times have changed business wise to where, you know, I mean the, the, the tech.

Matt:

You know life 10 years ago was like let's make a highly, I'm a highly, I'm in a very high revenue company that's not profitable. Now companies need to be profitable and I've never. I mean my training goes back to, like you sell a widget for $5, it needs to be profitable. Everyone needs to. I mean, you need to be paying a dollar for that so you can sell it for five and still afford marketing.

Matt:

And, um, I help businesses with that and I and like I think that we really need to and I help my clients with this, but like really asking themselves, what do you want?

Matt:

Like having a business that generates five million dollars in revenue at 40 profit, where you're able to work 20 hours a week and maybe sell it after 20 years for $10 million? Like what is more exciting than that? Like why, like do we really want to be chained to a desk 60 hours a week at this pipe dream, but maybe this being sold for a much bigger multiple? I mean, good, if we want that, but a lot of us I mean a lot of us haven't ever realized, like what enough is. So I have, like I don't know anybody in my circle that has achieved the level of growth that I have and going from that person, that was just money, money, money, external happiness, external happiness to where? Like realizing that happiness comes from the from, from inside. Like realizing that happiness comes from the from from inside um. I'm uniquely positioned to help other men um with this, and it's my honor to do it, and that's why I'm, that's why I'm waking up at four in the morning every morning to do this right now.

Rob:

So thank you for, yeah, wow, that's, that's powerful and I can. I can certainly see the passion just pouring out of you in that and how much you uh investing in in yourself and obviously in your clients too. Um, so that's awesome, awesome work you're doing there. And, uh, tell me more about this book. How far are you into that, when you've got expectations on that? I know you got the podcast that just launched, which is great. Uh, everyone's got to go over and check that out and leave your reviews. That's an awesome, awesome show. Awesome show. You've got kicked off fact.

Matt:

I mean, we all need to learn to advocate for ourselves, and it's really what I care most about in the world. There are so many people that are just being taken advantage of and struggling to pay their bills, and we shouldn't be living like that, and, unfortunately, I don't know how to change the world necessarily, but I do know how to help individuals, and I mean help individuals advocate for what they're worth, but hopefully help the companies that I work with do a little better than they have to as well. So, rob, what do you know about writing a book? Anything?

Rob:

No, no, no. I got a couple of friends who do so. I lean on them.

Matt:

It's quite the journey. I've been doing this for about three and a half years. You know, like nothing has this has probably been the single biggest patience teacher of my life. You know I've invested significantly in a writing coach who I love, and I'm not working with her actively at the moment right now, taking a little bit of a break to let the book kind of marinate, and it's been marinating for about six months. I've written thousands of pages. Obviously no one wants to buy a thousand pages of Matt Gerlach book so that has to all be. You know, tailored down quite significantly to a normal size, 250 page book. But my process this was like.

Matt:

This was the biggest part of my healing journey was I wrote my story, I wrote my life. Before I started this I wouldn't have been able to tell you more than two paragraphs about my childhood. I recently realized this. I mean I've been in therapy pretty much. I mean since I've been 18 years old. I mean there's been a couple of years off. I cannot tell you a single thing we talk about in those first 15 years other than, you know, a few anecdotal sentences.

Matt:

So this book was really me sitting down and being honest with myself. My parents and I had had a falling out and it was painful, I'm sure, for them too. But I needed this time to be uninhibited, to write what I remembered about my story, rather than what somebody else wanted me to believe about my story or somebody else's memory of my story. So I wrote this book. It got pretty far. It's funny because I cheated, like in high school and college, english, a little more than I would have if I would have known I'd be writing a book one day. So there was some significant learnings that I had to do. The book's pretty good and then, like, it's been sitting for the past six months and now, like all of the loose ends are like becoming totally clear.

Matt:

Really it's like a book, like it's it's it's a memoir, but it's like a, I mean, but it is a self help. I don't like I hate the word self help. It's a memoir that teaches people how to, how to address this anxiety. And I'll tell you, like the like, the most practical, like the things that worked the most for me, therapy was good. I mean therapies. I've come to realize the level of trauma that I had required therapy as I'm working with people a lot of people like they don't necessarily need therapy because they didn't quite go through what I went through, but, honestly, like things like gratitude, yoga, journaling, meditating, drinking lots of water, not drinking so much alcohol and caffeine, like most of the things that have improved my life from a? Um, from a physical like, from a, from a, from a.

Matt:

Here's the recommendation list. They're all things that are relatively free and relatively accessible anywhere, um, so the book is, is gonna give the reader a blueprint to how they address their anxiety, and I am not overshadowing that I think some of us do have forms of anxiety that are far more extreme than what I am remedying, like how I remedied mine. But this is just, you know, I mean setting boundaries, getting yourselves out of situations Like right now. I mean, like I said, I mean this is what happens when you, when you align your life, like I'm not anxious right now about this change, anxiety is.

Matt:

Anxiety happens when you, when you're in a situation, that that, that you don't want to be, you know, and right now I am very, very I put myself in this situation. Is there fear? A little bit, sure, imposter syndrome? Sure, but there's not anxiety, and I'm showing my reader that, getting peace and getting inner peace. There's a book I read a little bit ago ago, and they said, like the goal of I'm paraphrasing but the goal of life should be inner peace. And that honestly floored me, like I mean, like what's a better way to say it? We all just want inner peace, you know, and I'm showing my reader how to find inner peace.

Rob:

Love that. I'm excited to hear more about that as it continues to unfold. But I'm excited to hear more about that as it continues to unfold. But I do want to be curious I know we're kind of going pretty far on time here Certainly, reach out to Matt on where's the best way to reach out to.

Matt:

I would love for you to go to risetoyourworthcom. That's where you download my six-step guide. You can start getting some ideas down about what you want for your life to look like and in there you can schedule a free 45 minute call with me where we will um, we'll all help you through it and, um, you know, if it's something that's interesting, we could work closer. If you just want to talk for 45 minutes, I'm at a place of my life, of just where I'm looking to serve, and it would be my honor to help you for 45 minutes at no cost to you, and just help you like I think so many of us like. This is the. This is the biggest part of my journey.

Matt:

It's like it's it's it's it's it's it's it's learning to like give yourself permission for wanting what you want for the life that you want, and then it's naming what's in the way of that. You know. So if you can just identify, like give yourself permission to say like I want to make half a million dollars a year, like, which is crazy. I mean, I live in LA. That's not, that's not what it was 10 years ago. I mean it's it's, it's great money, don't get me wrong, but like that used to be, like holy crap, I can do anything in the world.

Matt:

And I think, like, if you can allow yourself to just want the life you want, for me to be able to say I want to start a family, and then you name what's in the way and then you say like, and then you start to like, be honest to yourself. What's in the way is I don't believe in myself. Or, you know, my dad always told me to not waste money. I mean, you know, like my partner and I, we've heard from um, you know, like we've heard from people along our journey like you shouldn't have kids. That's crazy.

Matt:

You know, we're being told that because it's just like it costs so much money. But, um, those are things that like, if we don't, we have the tools now to to um, combat that, to, to, to re I mean to, to reject that. But when we say what's in the way, like, oh, like, yeah, like, I've always been told this, and then we can start working through those, whether it be with me or with a therapist, or with another coach, or with friends or family. But once we say, once we give ourselves permission to want what we want and start identifying what's in the way of it. Anything is possible.

Rob:

Wow, yeah, that's, that's some strong stuff there and I I I might know the answer or I might know what you might kind of I might have a feeling what you are going to kind of tend to go here with this answer, but I got to ask you, uh, before we kind of wrap things up and I let you roll, what would you take if you were to take everything we kind of discussed today and everything you know and experienced and gone through and kind of packaged together? You would take everything there and boil it down to one piece of advice you can pass on to entrepreneurs or anybody in general? What would that number one piece of advice to entrepreneurs or anybody in general? What would that number one piece of advice to bring them closer to success?

Matt:

Prioritize yourself. And I don't mean that in a selfish way, I mean that in prioritize your needs, prioritize you. We can't burn the candle at all ends. You know you have to prioritize you and I know firsthand when I've prioritized myself, I've become a much more compassionate leader, compassionate partner to my, to my partner, to become more compassionate son. I've forgiven every I by me prioritizing my story and honoring my truth and my needs. Everybody else has benefited.

Matt:

I say this boundary thing I don't really have like crazy boundary. That's not like I'm walking around saying screw you, you aren't my friend anymore. There was a couple of people that aren't in my life anymore. But like, honestly, like kind of misunderstandings, like you know, I mean I think that we I mean we moved on, like, but the boundaries are really like. They're more subtle boundaries the more that I think about it. It's like I mean you're not like, I mean I haven't had too many blowouts where. It's like you shouldn't do that. No, I mean, and if you are not someone that probably shouldn't be in your life, but more of it is protecting your energy and your mental peace, so you can be a much better person for the people who deserve that part of you and stop having your energy sucked from people that don't deserve that, and once you feel good, you're gonna light the world on fire, and that's why I say to prioritize yourself.

Rob:

Yeah, I love that Prior. Why I say to prioritize yourself yeah, I love that, prioritize, prioritize you, prioritize you, prioritize yourself. That is great, that is uh awesome.

Rob:

I love that matt uh, thank you so much. I know we kind of went a little bit longer um than expected, but I I thank you for taking the time, thank you for taking the value, thank you for offering uh the free call for any of the listeners who take you up on that and thank you really for just being a genuinely great guy. I, when we first connected, I knew there was a special about you and I loved having little conversations here and there through bbg and back and forth through email. I appreciate you and I appreciate everything you're doing that.

Matt:

So thank you so much, rob. I appreciate you too. You're a very kind man as well, and I'm honored to know you. So thank you, and thank you for this time today, everybody.

Rob:

All right, Peace, peace, peace everyone.